His eyes track my hand as I gesture to myself. He bites his lip, and even though I’m wearing scrubs, I feel naked the way he stares at me. A little flush creeps up his neck and into his face.
“Which brings me to my request,” I say.
His eyes flick to mine. “What’s that?”
I’m going to lose my nerve. I thought this would be fun, but now I’m not sure. I hesitate.
“Kendall,” he says, “I told you I would do anything you asked. I meant it.”
“Okay.” I inhale. “There’s a dress I want. It’s more than I usually pay for clothes, so I didn’t buy it.”
He stares at me, perhaps waiting for the punchline. His expression morphs into disbelief. “Wait. I made your life hell when we were teenagers, and in penance, you want . . . a few lunches and an article of clothing?”
I laugh. “Well, we wouldn’t be even, but maybe it would make you feel better. I’m taking pity on you, giving you this opportunity.”
“So what happened to never forgiving me?”
A horn honks from somewhere on the level below, startling me. I plant a hand on my car again. “This isn’t forgiveness. But I can’t help poking the bear, unfortunately.”
“You’re fucking with me.”
The scent of exhaust swirls as a car drives past us.
“Yes,” I say. “But I don’t know, I wouldn’t turn down some guilt gifts.”
He moves closer to me. My heart lifts into my throat.
“I absolutely terrorized you in high school, Kendall.” To my surprise, his voice cracks. “I’ll do more than a dress. I’ll give you more money. I can help your mom out. I know she struggles. You name it.”
My mouth drops open. “You’d do that? You’re just a resident. You don’t even make that much money.” I cock my head. “Unless your parents give you money? But that doesn’t sound like them, either. I always thought they wanted you to make your own way.”
“My grandfather left me some inheritance.”
“I’m sorry to hear that he passed,” I say. “I remember him. You were his golden child.”
He scoffs. “He didn’t know what I was really like.” His gaze finds me again. “He would be happy if I did something good with his money.”
I’m tempted. God, I’m tempted. People often ask about how to help the disadvantaged, and for me and Blaine when we were kids, the answer was straightforward: more money. My mom won’t take anything from me, but she might take something from an anonymous donor.
“Did you mean it?” Grant asks. “When I said I was sorry, and you said you believed me?”
“I do. At least, I think I do. I also meant what I said about forgiveness. I don’t hand that out so easily. But I can’t take your money.”
We study each other. His eyes trace over my collarbone. I feel like I have the upper hand, and it’s a good feeling. I want to revel in it. Maybethisis why I haven’t stuck to my dedication to be courteous but distant with him. I actually crave this power. It’s a startling revelation, but I’m just going to own it.
“There’s something else I might want,” I say. My voice trembles. “You’re going to think it’s crazy.”
“I’m intrigued.” He shifts his weight to one leg, and a ripple of thigh muscle bulges against his scrub pants. “But I said I would do whatever you wanted. Even if it’s some kind of punishment. Lay it on me.”
I puff my cheeks out.
“You’re shaking,” he says. His frown pulls at his features.
“I’m not sure I should ask for this.”
“Kendall. I’m serious.Whateveryou want. Anything.”
Am I really going to do this? I think I am. “There’s something here,” I say. I gesture between us, and he watches my hand with the same small frown. I look at him again. “I thought maybe we could act on it, only once, and only if I’m in control. Just to see. And maybe to torment you, if I’m being honest.”
