“I’m sure he was,” Jack said.
“Don’t say it like that, Jack. He was.”
“I’m jealous,” Jack said. “That’s all. Ignore me.”
Arden gazed at him. He didn’t know where the confidence to keep challenging this large, powerful alpha had come from, but he rather liked it. “I don’t believe you’re jealous.”
“No?”
Jack arched a brow and Arden absently reached up to trace the shape of it. Straight, winging at the corner. Velvety black. “You didn’t want to marry me.”
“That’s not entirely true. I said I wasn’t going to marry you, not that I didn’t want to. Arden. I have spent a very large portion of my adult life trying very hard not to want you. I love you. You know I do.”
Instead of kissing him, Arden grabbed his hand and squeezed it. “Thank you. I love you.”
“Arden.”
Sometimes, Jack said his name in the strangest way.
“So if you love me, why…?”
“Because I am not at all the best choice for a man like you. I didn’t think you wanted physical intimacy.” He smiled apologetically. “I am a very physical man.”
“I do want it. Want you.” Arden did his best to maintain eye contact, but in the end, he had to look away.
“I know that now.” Jack stroked his back in long, soothing sweeps. Arden arched into his touch with a happy hum. “I never got a hint of it from you before.”
“How could you? You barely saw me! Once we put our childhood behind us, I don’t think we were ever alone.”
“The point is, Arden, I never looked at you that way. This way.” He rolled his hips beneath Arden, making Arden gasp and rock clumsily back. “I did not permit myself. I thought that your sexuality was as sweet and quiet as you are, and I wanted someone to respect and value that as it should be respected and valued. Shall I tell you what I wanted?”
Arden nodded, even though he was finding the whole thing astoundingly high-handed.
“I wanted a beta for you. A steady, calm, admirable man who’d put you at the centre of his life. Who would cherish you, and make sure you never needed for anything. I wanted you to live comfortably and quietly, fulfilled with your husband and your garden and your art, and whatever other society you did or didn’t want.”
“Oh.” Arden sighed. “That’s lovely.”
Jack looked at him wistfully. “You can have that here, if you’d like. You can live at Greylag permanently. And, if I may, I’ll visit you. Perhaps stay for a while.”
“Oh. No, it’s lovely. Like a story, one from a nice little book for children. The thing is, I’m thirty-one years old and that nice, admirable beta never did get around to finding me. I’d have felt rather sorry for him if he had. I’ve still never been attracted toanyone but you.” And now Beckett. “It’s a lovely fantasy, Jack, but it’s yours. Not mine.”
Jack seemed a little taken aback.
Arden shrugged.
“Well, then,” Jack said. “What is your fantasy?”
Arden held his gaze. “I’m living it,” he said. “More or less. I’m in your arms. I’m yours, and you are mine. None of the little details matter. This is all I ever wanted. Although I do understand. I tried very hard not to want it, too. You worried that you’d be too much for me? I’ve always known that I wouldn’t be enough for you.”
“No, Arden, that’s?—”
Arden clapped his hand over Jack’s mouth, and his husbandsnortedin astonishment. Arden smiled. “A man who commits himself to an alpha like Beckett could not possibly be fulfilled by me.”
Jack frowned.
“Please don’t insult me by denying it.”
Jack drew Arden’s hand away, pausing to kiss his palm before setting it on his chest. Arden’s fingers flexed into the solid muscle. “I wasn’t going to deny it,” Jack said. “The fact of it is, I want things in bed that I think you’ll be upset by. I am…vigorous.”
