Some things didn’t need to be said out loud.
Not yet.
Chapter Twelve
Jess
The rehearsal dinner was supposed to be celebratory, but everything about it felt off.
How could it not? Everything about the weddingwasoff.
It was like I was stuck on a merry-go-round that was only picking up speed, and there was no way off now. Not unless I flung myself to the dirt and sacrificed life and limb.
It wasn’t the best metaphor, but it felt a little too on point.
Wander & Whisk had been decorated beautifully, with a few simple bouquets of sweet peas in jars that Charli had brought over. Candles dotted the tables, and the entire place looked welcoming and classy. The low hum of conversation filled the space. We’d eaten a feast of roasted tenderloin and rosemary potatoes. Harper had once again outdone herself.
I took in the scene of our family and friends and felt an overwhelming wave of guilt as I stood off to the side. It was wrong. All of it was so wrong.
I’d never been a good actress, and playing the role of the happy bride was really starting to take a toll.
I knew I wasn’t making the right decision. Worse, I knew I didn’t have any options.
Even worse, the growing feelings I’d been trying to ignore for Preston were just adding an extra layer of complication to things that I really didn’t need.
Still, I couldn’t get the feeling of him holding me in his arms out of my head. Not only because it was warm and tempting in a way I longed to have in my life, but because it feltreal. Hefelt real. He felt safe.
In a way I would never experience with myhusband-to-be.
As if my thoughts had summoned him, Trevor slipped an arm around my waist and pressed a kiss to my cheek, as if he were checking off a box of the things a fiancé should do.
“You look beautiful,” he said loud enough for the people nearest us to hear. “Have I told you that yet?”
“No,” I said with a tight smile.
He chuckled as if I’d said something hilarious, and my body tensed. It was getting harder and harder to pretend that everything was okay.
Throughout the dinner, he’d been attentive in all the ways that mattered to an audience. He’d refilled my wine, touched my hand, and laughed at the right moments. Anyone watching, and everyone was, would see a couple perfectly in sync. Exactly the picture he’d promised the investors.
It only made me feel even worse about it all. My dinner sat like a rock in the pit of my stomach.
“I’m going to step outside with Mark for a cigar,” he said in my ear.
“A cigar?” I looked at him in shock. “I had no idea you?—”
“Only on special occasions, Jess.” He gave me an exaggerated wink as he slipped away, already heading for the door.
I watched him go. The click of the door shutting behind him gave me the strangest relief of being able to breathe again.
I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose.
“Sweetie. This is just beautiful.”
My mother’s voice washed over me. When I opened my eyes, my parents stood in front of me. I felt bad, but I’d been doing my best to avoid them all night, not wanting them to see through the act I was pretty sure I wasn’t pulling off very well.
“Thanks, Mom.” I forced a smile on my face.
“Is everything okay, Jess? You seem?—”
