That memory clung to me as I sat there, surrounded by my friends, pink cocktails, and toilet paper wedding gowns, pretending this was a celebration and not a countdown.
The silly games weren’t helping.
“Do you want to be the bride, Jess?”
“What?” My head snapped up to see Charli standing in front of me with a roll of toilet paper in each hand.
“The bride.” She tipped her head and gave me a strange look. “You know…for the dress game.”
“Right.” I shook my head and tried to put a smile on my face. After all, they were all there for me.
Even if it was the last place I wanted to be.
I looked up at Charli, who was waiting for my answer. “I think I’m going to sit this one out, if that’s okay?”
My friend looked at me carefully, but finally nodded and sat down next to me. “I know these bridal showers can be a lot. Are you sure you’re okay?”
I looked down at my glass of prosecco. It was my third one, which should have been a warning. I didn’t usually drink like this, but tonight I needed the noise in my head to quiet down.
Maybe it was the bubbles that had loosened my tongue, orjust the fact that if I didn’t say anything, I felt like I would explode, but…
“Can I tell you something?”
Charli nodded and set the rolls of toilet paper on the table in front of her. “Anything. You know that.”
“You can’t tell anyone, though. Promise me.”
Charli mimed the action of zipping her lips and locking them with a pretend key. It made me smile, but only for a moment.
“Trevor and I…” I took a breath. “It’s not what people think.” And before I could change my mind, I told her everything.
When I was finished, she stared at me, her eyes sad and her mouth open. “Jess…”
“I know.” The word came out rough. Saying it out loud only made it more real. Made me feel even more trapped. “Iknow,” I said again. “But we decided to go forward. I have to. It’s just easier this way.”
“Is it?”
I rolled the stem of the wine glass in my hand. “I don’t know. I think so.” I drained the rest of my drink and reached for the bottle on the table. It was either that or cry. And I didn’t think I could handle explaining my tears to everyone else. “Please don’t tell anyone.”
“I promised I wouldn’t,” Charli said, and I believed her. “But…you don’t have to do this.”
“I don’t know about that.” I tossed back another glass of bubbles before putting the glass down a little too hard on the table and looking at her. “But I do know what Idohave to do.” Charli tipped her head in question, and I didn’t miss her glance toward my empty-again glass. “Go dancing!”
If I stayed sitting much longer, I might say something I couldn’t take back. Or worse, admit the truth.
I jumped up from the couch, my shout earning me looksfrom my other friends who were in the process of creating toilet paper wedding gowns. “Who’s in?” I asked with enthusiasm, fueled by alcohol. “Let’s take this party to the dance floor.”
Preston
I was wet and cold when we got back to the SAR office, debriefed from the water rescue we’d just undertaken, and changed into warm clothes. But, besides a bone-deep exhaustion seeping through every part of my body, I felt alive. Humming with electricity and energy, the way I always was after a rescue.
Every call out was different. You never knew what you were going to get when the emergency line rang, but the one thing you were guaranteed was to get your blood pumping and the adrenaline surging.
It was one of the main reasons why I loved working with Search and Rescue. At my core, I was an adrenaline junkie. At least, that’s what my mom and brothers had always said. Even when I was young.
It was the main reason Mom had encouraged me to sign up as soon as I was old enough, despite the risks. She figured that I was going to do risky things anyway, so I might as well be properly trained and responsible for helping others.
She had a point, and SAR had become one of the best parts of my life.
