“Trevor,” I said again. Firmer this time. “I didn’t come here to talk about the development.”
He stopped, finally looking at me. “Okay…”
The questioning look he gave me was almost laughable as I realized that to him, there was no other reason his fiancée would possibly drive over to his place. That’s how little of an actual relationship we had. How had I let it go so far?
It made me sad that I’d allowed myself to say yes to someone who so obviously wasn’t my person.
I took a breath. I couldn’t put this off any longer. “We need to talk about us.”
His expression shifted. Not to concern, but something moreguarded. As if he’d seen this coming and was ready for it. “Is this about me volunteering you for the committee without asking? Because I still think?—”
“No. It’s not about that,” I said. “It’s about the fact that we’ve hardly spent any time together in the last few months. We don’t talk about anything besides business.”
“We talk about the wedding,” he said smugly.
“Somehow that feels like business, too.” I sighed. “We really don’t spend much time together at all,” I continued. “And I can’t even remember the last time we were intimate.”
We’d never been a particularly affectionate couple, hardly even kissing. Especially in public because Trevor didn’t believe in showcasing affection. It wasn’t like sex was the most important part of a relationship, but it was important. Very important. And we didn’t feel connected in that way at all.
It was just one more thing on what was growing to be a very long checklist of things that weren’t adding up. “What’s more,” I said, before he could interrupt, “I don’t even think you’ve noticed. Or if you have, you don’t care.”
Trevor sighed and rubbed a hand over his face as if this was nothing more than an inconvenience he hadn’t planned for. “Do we really need to talk about this right now?”
It was in that moment that I realized something important.
Not only did we need to talk about it right now, I was no longer afraid of the conversation. It had been a long time coming. Too long.
“Yes,” I said with certainty. “In fact, we need to talk about ending this.”
That got his attention. His head snapped up. “Ending what?”
I wiggled the diamond off my finger and held it out to him. “This,” I said simply. “It just doesn’t feel right. Not anymore.”
Not ever.
I’m not sure what I expected him to say, but some part of me hoped he might fight for me. For us. Even a little bit.
Instead, he leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. “Don’t you think you’re being a bit hasty here?”
For half a second, the old instinct kicked in. The part of me that didn’t want to make a fuss, that wanted to keep things moving smoothly. The part that told me it would be simpler to nod, apologize and keep going the way we had been.
But I caught myself and shook my head.
“We’re adults, Jess. This is what relationships look like. They aren’t all big and dramatic.” Trevor frowned. “You’re probably going to talk about a spark,” he used air quotes, “or some other big feelings, right? Women always seem to think that relationships should be like something they see in the movies. And that’s ridiculous.”
That didn’t even make sense. He’d been so intense at the beginning. Almost over the top. I’d mistaken that attention for depth. I’d been wrong and that was on me.
But I wasn’t going to let him gaslight me. “Is it?” I shook my head, not fully believing what I was hearing.
“It is.” He sat up. “That’s fiction, Jess. This is real life. I’m quite fond of you, and that’s something.”
“You’refondof me?” I could have laughed, if it wasn’t my life we were talking about.
“Yes.”
I stared at him, trying but failing to reconcile the man in front of me with the man I somehow had been planning a future with. How had I been so blind?
“That’s not enough for me, Trevor.”
