“Leo!” Madden calls, and without conscious thought, my feet move, eyes locked on Willa.
Then I do what I found myself doing the last time I was surprised by her: I argue with her. I challenge her.
And just like last time, she shocks me by not backing down. For once, she stands up for herself and getsannoyedwith me.
When she runs off to take shots with Nat and Hallie, I groan but can’t help but watch her ass in the little shorts she’s wearing. I watch her back the entire time as they chat with the bartender,who is already lining up shot glasses, but I can’t see her face until the girls clink glasses.
That’s when she turns, scanning the bar and finding me, then holding my gaze as she lifts the small glass, gesturing toward me in a toast with a small smile on her lips before she downs the shot.
“Not your handful, huh?” Madden asks, echoing my words from the other day with a laugh. I turn to him, giving him a glare that makes tabloids and paparazzi cower in fear, but just makes him laugh before he pats me on my shoulder. “What are you drinking tonight, brother? I think you’re going to need it.”
Willa takes three more shots over the next hour, and I do everything in my power to remain calm, cool, and collected. Maybe that’s the key, not giving into the bait she’s clearly dangling, not rising to the challenge. Maybe if I pretend to be unfazed, she’ll lose all interest.
But after the fourth shot, I decide I don’t care. In fact, it’s just minutes after that fourth shot, when she stumbles and falls to the ground in a giggling heap on the makeshift dance floor after Hallie attempts to twirl her, that I lose it. My stool scrapes as I stand, then take long strides to her.
“Leo! Are you here to dance with us?” she asks eagerly, with a giggle that would be cute if she weren’t her and I weren’t me and we weren’t what we are. I grab her hand, and she takes it willingly as I help her stand, then guide her into the quieter hallway at the back of the bar, where people can hang coats. She’s still giggling as I turn her, put her back to the wall, and stand a foot in front of her.
“You know, the caveman act is kind of hot, but if you wanted me alone, you could have just asked. I would have come with you,” she says, and I push that back, trying not to focus on the words or the hidden meaning.
“What the fuck are you doing?” I ask in a hushed, angry whisper. Her dazed eyes go confused, brow furrowing as she looks at me.
“What?” Her joy has melted away, and despite my anger, guilt seeps in, though like so many things tonight, I push it back, letting logic and duty remain front and center.
“This isn’t you, drinking and being loud. What are you doing?”
“Not me? You don’t evenknowme,” she mumbles, but then answers my question. “I’m having fun, Leo. I’m having fun foronce in my life,” she says, and confusion wracks through me.
“Willa—”
There’s another shift on her face, each of them happening so fast, I almost can’t keep track of the changes. She shakes her head, her hair swaying from side to side as she does. It’s down, and this close, I allow myself to take in the other changes, like the simple makeup that enhances her natural beauty instead of trying to make her look like a perfect doll. Those god-awful contacts are gone, and she’s in a soft-looking blue shirt that I’ve never seen her in, a casual top that I doubt her stylist chose for her.
“I never get to have fun like this. I just want one freaking night. One night where I can be normal, and I can be happy and have fun, and where I don’t feellonely.”
That last word carries so much emotion, weighed down with yearning and grief, and when paired with the lost look on her face, it shocks whatever anger was still lingering in my system out.
“Willa,” I say, my voice suddenly soft even to my own ears as she unloads this onto me, as she throws me back with her words. She shakes her head, then continues.
“Do you know what it’s like to feel so lonely all the time? To be in a room filled with people who know your name and still feel like you’re all by yourself? Like, no one in the entire world actually knows you? Everyone puts me on this pedestal, everyone keeps their distance, and I’mso fucking lonely.” Her voice cracks, and when it does, my chest cracks, too. Her eyes are wide and glassy, reflecting the sadness in her words. “I’m so lonely, Leo. It’s crazy, because everyone wants a piece of me, everyone wants to talk to me and use me and find out how I can help them, but I…I’m so lonely. And here, for the first time, I don’t feel that. I just want to feel like I belong somewhere for once in my life.” I don’t know what to say, not when her face is so open, so I don’t say anything.
In the next instant, her face changes, those emotions pushed back to hide under some shield she’s erected before she pushes at my chest.
“Andyouare trying toget in the way of that. I’m a big girl, Leo. And I’m tired of people telling me what I can and can’t do.” The song out in the bar changes then, a familiar tune drifting into the hall. It’s one Willa wrote for another pop artist, though she didn’t record it herself. She grins when she hears it, any anger or sadness replaced by the happy-go-lucky party girl I pulled into here. It happens so quickly, I wonder for just a moment if I imagined the other versions. “Now get out of my way. My song is on.”
When she pushes at me this time, I don’t resist, instead stepping back as she moves away, nearly skipping back into the bar. I can hear when the girls must spot her because a loud cheer fills the room before they all start singing together, but I stay inthat back hallway for a long moment, her words running through me and leaving me uneasy.
Do you know what it’s like to feel so lonely all the time?
In a strange way, the drunken pop star put into words all of the things I’ve been feeling lately, the loneliness despite everyone always needing something from me, and the strange desire to justbe.
How the hell am I supposed to balance doing my job and giving her whatever it is she wants? Because if she ever looks at me with that sad look again, I know I would give her the entire world on a silver platter.
FOURTEEN
LEO
An hour and two more shots for the girls later, I’m still nursing the one beer I won’t finish because I need to keep my mind alert. Willa and Wren twirl one another as music plays and each time she stumbles, I fight the urge to stand up, throw her over my shoulder, and take her home to sleep it off in the safety of her home.
“You look like you wish your eyes had laser beams,” Hallie says, and I stop watching Willa to glance over at the redhead. I try to harness the lasers she spoke of to get her to leave me alone, but I fail. She must have some kind of killer armor, because instead of crumbling, she grins wider and sits on the stool beside me. Her fiancé stands behind her, a hand on her waist, and Nat sits on my other side.
