Soon after, I did what I could to try to relax. I tried taking a vacation, practicing yoga, meditating, and going to therapy, but I knew it wouldn’t fix everything and surely wouldn’t give me what I realized I needed: a life.
I started cutting back, offloading some of my clients to other publicists I trusted within the firm and keeping my main accounts, whom I’d worked with so closely for so long, so that most of them weren’t even a headache anymore. I started taking on agenting work, carefully selecting clients I saw had potential. I already had the connections, so it made sense to use them, since I couldn’t take any of them on as new PR clients, given my current intention to leave Perfect Image once my contract was up and start my own smaller boutique firm.
I made an exit plan that led me here, and despite the fact that my work does, in fact, follow me wherever I go, as I stare at my new backyard, I know in my gut I’m on the right path.
SIX
WILLA
I have to fight back an uneasy rise of panic as I park in front of a cute gray house the following afternoon. I tell myself it’s residual adrenaline because I somehow drove from the city to Holly Ridge by myself, no bodyguard in sight. The decision was impulsive, but after stewing on it all night after my run-in with the paparazzi, the subsequent lecture from Jackie, and the awareness that my writer’s block isn’t improving, I decided I needed a change.
The conversation I’d had with Adam ricocheted through my mind as I tossed and turned all night, pinging back and forth and hitting each and every sore spot I’d been hiding for the past few years— all the loneliness, anxiety, and nerves. The fake nature of my life. The burnout I’d been ignoring. The lingering unhappiness closely followed by guilt whenever I acknowledged it.
This morning, I called Jaime Wilde and asked what he would need to feel comfortable with my being bodyguard-free for the next few months. I thought he’d be aghast, tell me it was impossible to travel without someone around all the time for my own safety, but when he heard where I was going, hewas surprisingly okay with it, saying Holly Ridge was a bit of an anomaly, and so long as I stayed in the town, I could go alone.
Without a second thought, I packed a couple of suitcases, loaded them into the trunk of the car I rarely drive, entered my destination into my GPS, and headed out without a word to anyone else or a moment to second-guess.
Now, I’m here in the small town of Holly Ridge. It’s just as cute as I’ve heard, and when I look next door, it’s clear that while I’m sitting in front of Adam’s house, the cute house beside it is Wren’s. It’s currently decorated with gorgeous, colorful blooms of flowers in the gardens and well-maintained, with aWelcome Spring!flag blowing gently in the wind. The porch is twined with what I think are fairy lights, and I’m suddenly desperate to know what it looks like when it’s dark. It lacks the elegance or the extravagance of the homes I’m used to, but somehow, it’s even more beautiful because of it.
Come on, Willa, I tell myself, taking a deep breath and looking back to Adam’s boring-by-comparison front door.You’ve got this. What’s the worst that could happen, anyway?
Well,I tell myself.Adam could look at me like I’m out of my mind for taking him up on his offer to visit him in Holly Ridge.
He could act like he’s never seen me or tell me he was joking.
Even I have to admit the irony that, at any given moment, a magazine or newspaper is probably posting every intimate detail of my life, but walking up the front steps of a friendly acquaintance I’ve worked closely with is what makes me nervous.
With one final deep breath, I grab my keys and then step out of the SUV. My hair is pulled into my normal ponytail, but I’m wearing a hat that I dug out of the depths of my closet. I’m not wearing the blue-tinted contacts I always wear when we’re out and about, which were given to me as a kid when I was on a popular family sitcom, and they needed a blonde hair, blue-eyedgirl. I’m in a pair of my black leggings and a white sports tank, with pristine white sneakers on my feet. If Jackie saw me out and about in this, she might have a heart attack, but there are no cameras here, so I should be able to avoid her wrath.
Slowly, hands shaking, I make my way up the sidewalk, stepping up the three steps of the front porch carefully before taking in one last breath and ringing the doorbell. Then I step back, waiting patiently and trying to regulate my breathing.
Then I wait.
And wait.
Biting my lip, I wonder if maybe the doorbell doesn’t work. That happens, right? People knock on doors in the movies, so maybe I should try that. Breathing in deep, I knock three times, trying to add as much confidence as I can to the move.
Again, nothing. I glance over to the empty driveway. I thought the car might have been pulled into the garage, but maybe he’s not home? Wren mentioned that they are going on vacation sometime soon, so maybe they left?
What do I do if he’s not here?
I’m trying to sift through my thoughts, or rationalize and organize them, when I hear it.
“Willa?” a voice calls from next door, and panic scorches through me. Why did I ever think I could blend in and disappear into this small town? Maybe I should have brought Gabe with me after all. I take in a deep breath and put my mask on, happy, slightly stupid Willa Stone TM, and turn towards the speaker before starting to make my way down the steps.
“Hi—”
“Oh my god, it is you!” a pretty brunette says, moving down the wide walk in clapping flip flops. She’s in a pair of worn-in jeans and an oversized T-shirt that reads,Holly Ridge Elementary,as she makes her way over. I can’t remember if Ihave a Sharpie in my bag or if I— “Adam didn’t tell me you were coming!”
She moves across the sidewalk, and I walk more slowly towards her, but when she finally comes into focus, I realize it’s not a fan, excited to see a star out in the wild. It’s Wren, Adam’s girlfriend.
I feel it when it happens, when my easy, public smile turns genuine and spreads across my face. It’s the wonky smile that my team has told me isn’t cute, showing the one slightly crooked tooth on my bottom row of teeth that, despite Jackie’s insistence, I refuse to fix. But right now, I hope it shows Wren just how happy I am to see a familiar face, that the relief coursing through me is genuine.
“He didn’t know I was coming!” I say with a laugh and a shake of my head. I move down the sidewalk, meeting her halfway, and try not to be surprised when she pulls me in for a big hug. She’s a few inches shorter than my five feet eight inch frame, but then again, most everyone is shorter than me, so it’s nothing new.
“Oh my god, it’s so weird to see you here!” I bite my lip nervously, and she reads it instantly. “Oh, no, not like that, I just mean…this is Holly Ridge.”
“Well, I’ve heard great things about it. I figured I’d come and see what all the hype was about.” She nods eagerly, grabbing my hand and tugging me away from Adam’s place toward the house she came out of.
