Thankfully, I’ve had this cry a few times over the past few days, so it’s only a few minutes in Leo’s arms before I start to calm down, start to even out my breathing.
“This is probably the wrong time to tell you that was the hottest thing I ever saw, right?” Leo asks as my sniffle starts to fade out. I have so much to work on, to figure out. Lawyers to contact, things to put in place to ensure Jackie has absolutely no access to anything in my life anymore, but despite all of that, I laugh.
I laugh, and I do it hard, my sad tears turning to humorous ones, and as I do, Leo grins down at me, a thumb brushing over my cheek, wiping at the wetness there as I know he always will.
And there, in my relief and my sorrow, in my love and my acceptance and humor and joy, I know that I finally,finally,have it all.
THIRTY-EIGHT
WILLA
I’m almost done getting ready when my phone rings. Normally, I would ignore it as I’ve been doing all this week, but considering what an important day it is, I check the screen. Instantly, I regret it when I see my mom’s name written across it.
It’s not the first time she’s called, and it surely won’t be the last time. Since my showdown with Jackie, she’s been calling regularly, a few times a day. I genuinely missed her very first call, and when she left a voicemail demanding that I call her so she couldtalk me out of this silly temper tantrum, I decided I wouldn’t answer for a while.
The truth is, I'm not ready for another disappointment from someone who, with distance and a shift in my mindset, I realize also used me most of my life.
It would be one thing if Jackie had simply gotten in my mother’s ear and was spinning tales, if my mother had no idea of what Jackie has really been up to over the years, but as of Tuesday this week, the story of blackmail, fraud, and money mishandling by both Jackie and Jefferson has been splashed across newspapers, websites, and tabloids worldwide. Knowing how much she loves staying on top of all media, she hasabsolutely seen everything and is still trying to convince me to talk it out with my former manager.
Unfortunately for Jackie and Jefferson, neither of them ensured that the papers they signed included any disclosure that Leo or I couldn’t speak about the heinous things they’ve done. While I won’t be taking either of them to civil court, a few hours after we left the offices, the FBI contacted both parties regarding their crimes. It wasn't something I wanted to do, since I genuinely just wanted to put it behind me. But both Leo and Jaime reminded me that just because I was free from their bullshit, it doesn’t mean that they wouldn’t do the same thing to others, or that they weren’tcurrentlydoing the same thing to other clients.
While I didn’t have Jaime or his team look into my mother, her insistence that Jackie is innocent and that I call her to iron this “mess” out tells me that, until I’m ready for another painful conversation, I should ignore her, as well.
Despite my brave demeanor, the day after we came back to Holly Ridge, the emotions hit hard. Waves of pain, thoughts, and memories crashed over me, and small moments I'd brushed off began to make sense, revealing just how much control Jackie had and how deeply she had manipulated me.
That first day, I cried.
A lot.
I barely left my bed, barely ate, barely did anything, really. Through it, Leo held me the entire time. He made sure I drank water, told me I was strong, and kept me from wallowing. He reminded me that I had been working with her since I was a literal child, and that there was no feasible way for me to know what “normal” relationships would or could look like. He told me over and over that he was so proud of me for taking this step.
Leo is how I survived that first day.
The second day, I woke up with a killer headache and a heavy heart, but at least my appetite was back. Always seeming to know exactly what I need, even when I don’t, Leo invited the girls over. Although I spent that day crying a bit, I also laughed. A lot. We gabbed, and we bitched, and we moaned, and Nat threatened to track Jackie down and “beat her ass,” a ledge Wren and I worked hard to talk her off of. We ate more junk food than anyone should in a single day, and by the end of it, I felt a lightness I didn’t expect.Hallie pulled me aside before she left to tell me she was proud of me, and if I ever wanted to talk about moms and mother figures not living up to what I hoped, she was there.
That, too, made me cry, but in a good way.
Because that day reminded me that while I lost some people, I gained even more, and the friends I now have are there purely because they care for me.
On the third day, I decided I was done wallowing. Jackie had taken enough from me, and I had a beautiful, thriving career behind and ahead of me. I asked Leo if he could contact his therapist for some recommendations, and I began reaching out to any industry contacts I had to find an agent I might click with. I tried to convince Leo to become my manager and agent, but he insisted that was a line he didn’t want to blur. He told me that, given my history, he didn’t want me to ever question any choices he made, or for the professional and personal lines to overlap any more than they already do, since there was no way he would ever trust handing my PR to anyone but himself.
Days four and five were filled with calls, inquiries, and scheduling two weeks’ worth of meetings.
But today, a week from the charity event, I’m getting ready for Hallie’s wedding, and while I’ve been to some of the most sought-after parties, events, and awards shows, I’ve never been more excited for a night than I am right now.
Since Nat and Wren are both in the wedding as Hallie’s bridesmaids, I’m getting ready by myself. It’s a status I’ve experienced a million times throughout my life, but strangely enough, now it feels quiet and lonely. Putting on my blush and curling my hair without the constant chattering and laughter feels foreign in a way. Hallie told me I was more than welcome to get ready with them, which I appreciated, but I didn’t want to be in the way during Hallie’s big day, so I politely declined.
But unfortunately, it means I have no one to help me with my clasps.
Biting my lip in the mirror, I grab the bracelet I plan to wear with the outfit Nat helped me pick out over the summer, and make my way to the kitchen, where Leo is waiting. When I enter, his back is to me, broad shoulders beneath one of his signature, perfectly fitted suits, as he stares out the sliding glass doors. The trees are starting to change, creating pockets of orange, red, and yellow amongst the green, and I find Leo taking it in more often than not, telling me this is the view that made him buy this place, and envisioning what it would look like during each season. It’s why he picked this place, part of why he settled here in Holly Ridge when he did.
In a way, it’s part of what led him to me.
Because of that, I fuckinglovethose damn trees.
But when he hears my heels on the hardwood floors, he turns to look at me. I smile as his face softens, and I take in his high cheekbones and his sharp jaw, clear since he shaved this morning. His hair is combed back, and he looks like the badass publicist I’ve known for eight years, the one I used to secretly pant over even if I knew I couldn’t have him.
Illegally hot.
