Thank God for the high shrubs that wrap around his property, because if other people got to see him do that . . . Yeah, I’m not mentally well enough to wonder about that at the moment. My core throbs before I shove that image out of the way. The heat lingering in my cheeks isn’t enough to keep me from climbing the three porch steps in my thin stilettos and knocking on his door.
I rub my lips together and immediately wish I’d worn gloss instead of lipstick when they don’t glide the way I like. Nerves flutter beneath my skin. I can feel my heart beating as I wait for any sign of him at the door. The silence around me chips away at the frail confidence I’m attempting to use to keep myself on my feet.
In all the scenarios I went through in my head on the drive here, I didn’t come up with one for what to do if he isn’t home.
Glancing behind me, I pinch the thin shoulder strap of my dress and start to panic. There’s no backup plan here. If I don’t go to the gala with Finn, then I’ll be going alone. And if I go alone, then I fear I’ll be waking up in a jail cell, hungover and with bloody knuckles from beating Spencer into a pulp.
My chest feels wrong. Like it’s suddenly too small for the nervous shake of my heart. Spencer won’t get one up on me. Not ever. I’ve come too far to allow a man like him to dictate my life and my relationships. Rowena will have my back if I break his nose. I hope so, at least.
“Aubrey?”
My ankles nearly buckle with the impact of my step backward.
I snap my head forward, my stomach filling close to bursting with butterflies. The shaky inhale I drag in is the only sound to be heard as I blink quickly, like I’m expecting Finn to disappear like a hallucination.
“Are you going somewhere?” I blurt out.
Because why else would he be wearing a tuxedo? Or for his hair to be trimmed and styled in a way I haven’t seen since we went to his cousin’s wedding in London three years ago?
I’m struggling to keep my trembling hands from reaching out and tugging the bow tie at his neck to see if it’s real. I want to run my fingers through his hair and mess it up just a bit but refuse myself. He’s something out of a magazine in front of me right now.
His black suit pants are hemmed just right and hug his legs in a way that’s almost filthy. The lapels of his jacket are a velvet that matches the pop of red in his breast pocket. I stare at the piece of cloth in choked disbelief. If I tugged it out right now and held it to my dress, it would blend seamlessly.
The white button-down beneath his jacket isn’t left unbuttoned at the top, and his forearms are hidden, the cuffs around his wrists held together with silver links. Everything about how he’s dressed is so opposite to what I’m used to, and that trips me up enough that I almost don’t notice the lack of mustache over his top lip.
There isn’t a single facial hair to be seen as I stare at him right now, close enough that I can smell his cologne, but too far to feel his body heat. My chest aches at the distance left between us, but I don’t move. I wait.
“Asher told me the dress code was black tie. Should I have worn something different?” he asks, his voice rough, as if he hasn’t used it in a few hours.
I move my head side to side, piecing together a response. “No. You’re perfect. I just wasn’t expecting you to be dressed like this. Did you know I was coming?”
“If I did, I would have tried to prepare myself for the sight of you like this.”
At his words, I allow myself to look into his eyes for the first time since he appeared in the doorway. The utter awe and disbelief in them steals my breath.
“I didn’t think it was possible for someone to be this beautiful, Aubrey. But I should have known it would be you who destroyed every expectation I’ve ever had. To change what I thought was possible and what should have only been possible in a dream.” His features shudder, twisting almost painfully as he fists his hands at his sides. “Why are you here?”
“Because—” I choke on my rehearsed explanation and glance away. My palms are drenched when I press one to my middle. “I’m sorry.”
Forcing my gaze back, I meet his eyes and try to push my shoulders back so I don’t look as weak as I feel.
“I didn’t want to go with Asher. The only person I want beside me tonight is you, and when I thought that I’d ruined that possibility, everything started to hurt. In my head and my chest, even my muscles started aching. I haven’t been able to sleep, either. It’s like I’m addicted to you, and these last few days, I’ve been going through withdrawal.
“I’m sorry that I didn’t ask you to come with me in the first place. From the very beginning of our ridiculous dating coach arrangement, I should have just accepted that you were going to be the one who would be coming with me. Out of everyone I’ve ever known and who I’ll ever meet,you’rethe person I need beside me. I used to think it didn’t matter if that was with you as my best friend or as something more, but I know now which is the only right answer.”
He looks pained, like maybe my words are doing more damage than good, but I don’t let that stop me. If I back off now, I risk losing him, and that—that’s not a possibility for me.
Ignoring how badly I’m trembling, I extend my hand and take his, squeezing like I’m trying to steal his strength.
“I’ve always been independent. I guess I used to see my success and confidence as the result of that, because giving credit to anyone else makes me feel like I don’t deserve it. If I haven’t earned it on my own, then it doesn’t really belong to me. I used to think that my career was the best thing that ever happened to me. It was a way for me to look at how hard I’ve worked and be reminded that I did it. I accomplished what I set out to do, and I don’t want to stop anytime soon. But what is success if I don’t get to share it with the man I love because I’ve been so hyperfocused on getting bigger and better? There’s always been one constant in every high moment in my life, too, Finn. Whether that’s being accepted into my dream school, graduating from said school, or getting a position at a firm where I can see myself staying for the rest of my career, I can look at those wins and seeyou.
“And you’ve helped me get there. I haven’t done it all on my own. Yes, I win lawsuits with my knowledge and trained abilities, but I got to the place where I can battle it out in a courtroom because of you. Because I have a best friend who’s given me more than I could have ever asked for and who I know would give me everything if I simply asked for it. I’ve never been easy to love, Finn. But you still do, don’t you? Even when I’m being stubborn or high-strung, or completely naïve and turning away the chance to show you off as the man whom I want to spend every day of the rest of my life with, loving with everything I have in me.”
The moisture clinging to my lashes and smudging the makeup beneath my eyes doesn’t worry me. I don’t care that I’mgripping his hand so tightly I may be cutting off the circulation or that he hasn’t reached for me yet. My eyes don’t move from where they cling to his, searching for the emotions I’m dying to hear him describe.
I feel lighter than I have in years. With my thoughts and emotions laid at his feet, my heart raw and thrashing in my tight chest, I count the seconds until he speaks, silently pleading for him to tell me what I need to hear.
He doesn’t reply with words.
