“Nope.”
“Why didn’t you call me after it happened? You’ve been keeping this to yourself for days!”
The pink glitter swirling around in my martini fits the entire vibe of this place a little too well, even if it took a minute to get used to. From the pink walls and checkered floor to the various signs hung above each matching sparkly booth and various girly cups, it’s a Barbie dream in here.
Brielle’s tequila sunrise was brought over in a silver cup shaped like a disco ball, and I swear I saw a waitress bring one out in the shape of a blinged-out cowboy hat. I’m not sure if I should be disappointed that mine is in a plain pink martini glass.
“I didn’t want to talk about it, honestly. It’s been . . . a lot,” I admit around the rim, sipping on my cocktail.
“But now you do?” She shakes her head, heaving a sigh as her eyes hold mine across the table. “Hold on. I need to ask if you’re okay before we keep talking about this. You never leave work early.”
“I couldn’t concentrate, and there was only so much staring at a computer screen I could take.”
“That didn’t really answer my question.”
“What do you want me to say? That I’m losing my mind? I couldn’t be further from okay, Elle. I want to scream because asmuch as I know I shouldn’t want to kiss him again, I really, really do. It’s so fucking complicated.”
“Well, why did you kiss him in the first place?” I scowl at the question, and she shakes her head, adding, “I’m not trying to turn this into a game of pin the tail on the perpetrator. It’s just . . . I thought thatmaybeyou could be into him, but I always told myself I was just being a romantic. I mean, being best friends with a guy almost always leads to this, doesn’t it? I’m just wondering what made you kiss him when you’ve been very vocal about not seeing him that way.”
I take a long, much-needed gulp of my martini before setting it down but not releasing it. “No, I don’t think all girl-guy friendships lead to someone catching feelings. Having a platonic soulmate is an ongoing phenomenon for a reason.”
“So, is that you admitting to catching feelings?”
“Brielle, I swear?—”
Her laugh cuts me off as I deflate, letting my shoulders roll forward. My hair falls heavily down the slope, cascading onto the table. I pull it back and exhale, itching to be done with this conversation before I admit to something I shouldn’t.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. But honestly, you’ve just got me curious. Why did you kiss him? You’ve never let an argument get between you two before, and we both know it would have resolved itself by the time you woke in the morning if you hadn’t gone over there. So, why did you?”
That’s the question I’ve refused to answer.
Why did I go to Finn’s place instead of home, where I could have taken a cold shower and put this date in the rear-view?
Brielle stares at me, her curiosity blunt but genuine. She’s the only person I’d talk about these things with, and God knows I don’t make it easy. Still, she’s here, and I want to just blurt it all out to her.
“Because I knew it wouldn’t have resolved itself. Not this time.”
She absorbs that slowly, nodding a beat later. “What do you mean?”
“I’ve felt this . . .whateverthis is, getting worse every time we do something involving this whole dating thing. First, it was when we did these stupid little speed dates. He was playing the part of all these different men to see what exactly was setting me off about each one, but then he switched it up, and for the first time that night, I didn’t want to throttle one of his personas. At first, I just thought he was trying to be someone completely opposite of what he’d seen me reject, but I think he was being himself. No pretending, just doing everything that he would do with anyone else,” I ramble quietly, feeling my blouse stick to the base of my throat. “It was the first time that he’d done anything that had given me butterflies. Not the nervous type, but romantic ones. It was interest, Brielle. And that one night ruined everything.”
“The first time?” she asks, the corner of her mouth turned down. “Really? After all these years, you’ve never felt
like that with him at all before that night?”
“If I felt it before, I didn’t recognize it.”
And it’s the truth. I’ve been so busy, so focused on my work that even if he’d done something that had made me blush or question my own feelings before now, I wouldn’t have been paying enough attention to pick up on it. Having my work be the reason we started this has opened me up to more than I was expecting.
“Alright. What do you want to do now? You can’t pretend this didn’t happen, Aubrey. Not if it’s got you so worked up.”
“I don’t want to ruin anything,” I whisper, fear clinging to every word.
She reaches across the table and takes my hand. Her array of silver rings is cool against my fingers as she squeezes them tight. “Who says you will? He kissed you back, didn’t he?”
“He’s too nice to have shoved me off, even if he didn’t want to kiss me.”
“Come on. Don’t be purposefully naïve.”
