I adjust Soter’s jacket over Fynn’s shoulders. Of course, it fucking smells like him. Like palo santo and tobacco. I wouldn’t be surprised if his pack of cigarettes were still in the pocket. I wish someone would tell me that I dodged a bullet with Soter, so I can finally let him go. “I did it again. I fell for the wrong guy.”
Her expression shifts to understanding. “Again, huh? Are we talking about Soter?”
I’m glad I didn’t ruin our relationship when I destroyed what I had with Wilder. I’ve always been able to talk to her about anything.
“He said he’d changed. It’s why I gave him another chance. But he kept pushing me to go public, claimed his family’s opinion didn’t matter once he became commander.” My voice cracks. “But deep down, I knew he’d choose his ambition over me again—choose proving himself over caring about what I want, so I refused.”
“You kept the relationship private?”
“I couldn’t undergo that humiliation again. The thought of everyone watching me get rejected publicly by the same guy twice was too much to bear.” I shake my head. “Momma spent my childhood promising she would be different—no more drugs,no more men, no more cons—but people don’t really change, Chiara. They just find prettier ways to break your heart. Soter’s no different.”
“And he ended things when you told him this?”
I shift Fynn in my arms. “I didn’t tell him in so many words. I know how our story ends—he’s my boss, not my boyfriend. He got what he wanted: the promotion, the power. That will always be more important than me.”
Chiara’s smile is sad. “It sounds like you were so afraid he’d choose everything else over you that you never chose him.”
I scoff. “I did choose him. Against my better judgment. Then, he dumped me tonight, just like before.” Fynn stirs, and I lower my voice. “I’m tired of being second best. When will things finally get better?”
I was raised between right and wrong—my mom and aunt stealing, lying, keeping us afloat with broken promises. When I emerged as a Solar Witch and joined the Blade Academy, they were appalled. They toed the line of crime while I wanted to be better. Then I proved I was worse.
With Wilder, I always felt the disconnect—his hardworking, stable, married parents versus my uncharacteristic upbringing. If he thought I was trash, I’d have believed it. But with Soter, I wasn’t embarrassed about my past. We were the same—both forgotten and using each other to feel better about ourselves. Until feelings muddled everything, and I realized I liked being with him. I was free.
“You should tell him,” Chiara encourages.
“That he’s an ass?” I laugh darkly. “Oh, he knows.”
“Allow Soter to choose you. How is he supposed to give you what you want if he doesn’t know what it is? Maybe he thinks he’s being the person you want.” I stare sideways toward the window. No way. “Look, Isolde, I’m not your mom, but as a mom and wife of a former commander, I will say that I mayunderstand a thing or two about Soter. He will never know how you feel unless you tell him. Don’t wait until it’s too late, like I did.”
I chew on the inside of my cheek. “What didn’t you say to your family that you wish you had?”
“I thought that pursuing the Altum Healer position would make me a better mom, but instead, I ended up neglecting my kids. I assumed they would be happy growing up with more money and parents who held titles.” Chiara clenches her hands. “I had no idea Moran was involved with Nyx and had killed the president for Eos to protect our family. Now, he’s in prison. As for Wilder, if he had told me he wanted to quit his job, I would have advised him against it. He and Leigh are made of stronger stuff than Moran and me. I wish I had fostered more open communication in our family.”
I shake my head. “Do you really think you were a neglectful parent?” I had looked up to her as a kid. She was so thoughtful that I looked forward to going to the doctor. Chiara was the mom I wish I had. She had the stable, ideal life I had always dreamed of. She inspired me to be a better person. Hearing her say this now makes me question everything I thought I knew.
“I make mistakes, but I also make a difference, which I will never regret,” Chiara says. “However, I can’t help but think that if Moran and I had wanted each other as much as we wanted our careers, we wouldn’t have to settle for one face-to-face meeting a month.”
“Does Moran feel this way?” I doubt it. Moran always pushed Wilder to do better; he believed I was a distraction. When Wilder and I broke up, I’m sure he would have celebrated, if not for the world falling apart the night Prince Gwyn and Fynn died. I’ve often wondered if Moran and Chiara blamed me for Wilder moving to Aurora. I’ve never been brave enough to ask.
“Moran has his own regrets, yet he loved us in the best way he knew how.”
“Momma always said love was just another transaction.”
Chiara drifts toward the exit. “Maybe. People can surprise you. They can change. Look at Wilder. He went from hating the world and the people in it, especially the Epsilon, to marrying one. Go figure.”
“Wilder and Soter couldn’t be more different.”
She pauses at the threshold. “You think so?” Chiara glances one last time at Fynn. “A representative from Lethe Orphanage should arrive soon.”
After she leaves, I look down at Fynn’s cherub face. “What do you think, little guy? Can people change? I’m not convinced Soter can, at least.”
His small hand curls around mine, and something solid inside me cracks.
I unlock my screen and type a message that feels like asking too much.
Isolde
Choose me, and I’m yours…
