The last time he tried to help me, he made a deal with the Magician to join Eos, and in exchange, he spread lies about his grandmother’s health, claiming she had dementia when she was in great condition. No, thanks. I’d rather take my chances than rely on him again.
“After what happened at the races, we need to do what we can to keep you and this country safe,” Janus says. I cringe at the conjured memory. The phantom scent of kelpie’s sweat and fear fills my nostrils. “Or have you already forgotten you were almost kidnapped? There’s safety in numbers. Don’t fight us on Bennett’s presence at this meeting, and I will keep Alden occupied until your return.”
I frown at my tea. Bennett’s presence will make matters more complicated. He and Gianna are friends.
Pick your battles, Leigh,Aradia warns. I push her away, but she’s right. I can deal with Bennett.
“It doesn’t seem like I have a choice,” I say.
Janus smiles. “You always have a choice. Just ensure it is the right one.”
“Fine,” I relent. Janus sits straighter, satisfied with her victory. I focus my ire on Bennett. “You better tell Corvina you’re leaving Borealis with me. I’d hate for her to get the wrong idea about your involvement in this mission.” Bennett balks, but I rise from my seat, ignoring his reaction.
Maybe I can convince the railroad engineer to leave early. I’d love to surprise Wilder and fuck the frustration out of my system, riding him until the only thing I can think about is the damning friction between my thighs.
Turning to Janus, I open the door and say, “Janus, thank you for your time. I trust you can see yourself out?”
“One last thing, can I not convince you to bring more guards than just the blue-haired Blade?” Janus asks.
I shake my head. If I bring more people, my departure will become public knowledge. I don’t want Alden to find out, and Isolde is good at her job. “I’ll be fine.”
“As you wish.” Janus’s tone is clipped, barely concealing her annoyance at my dismissal.
Janus bows her head, and I follow her from my train car. Once she’s out of sight, I press my spine against the hallway wall to take a deep breath. This trip to Aurora must go smoothly if I am to escape this marriage. Otherwise, I fear my last name will be Lupas. The thought sends me into a tailspin, a premonition of a future I refuse to accept. I will protect my kingdom and heart, no matter the cost.
Hoursafter my explosive argument with Jaxson, I enter the tomb inside the abandoned mausoleum to raise the Balam. I bite my fingernails. Soon, I’ll have proof of who hurt Vyvyan.
As I step into the crypt, light flickers up the stairwell. I freeze when I see the candles we dropped off arranged in a perfect pentacle with Jaxson at their center. The flames dance, casting sinister shapes over the pilfered stone coffin at the back of the room. Slowly, I shake my head.
He’s here. After I hoped he had enough of my drama.
I only meant half of what I said earlier, the words born out of frustration and fear. I haven’t stopped thinking about it because when Jax leaves, I’ll be disgustingly alone. Jax is my only friend; without him, I’d have nothing.
“Hi,” I mutter.
Jax lifts his gaze from the spell in his hands. “Hi.”
“You set up without me.”
Everything matches the diorama from what Zev gave Leigh and Wilder in October. Jaxson’s lines are as straight as an arrow, and the chalk circle he drew is symmetrical.
Guilt pricks behind my eyelids. “Look, Jax. About what I said earlier. I’m sorry for being such a bitch. Juliette made me so mad, and she . . .” Juliette had a point, but that doesn’t excuse how I hurt him. I still want us to be friends.
Jax shrugs. “It’s okay. I get it. I’m not enough for you anymore.”
The pain in his voice is sharp enough to cut me open. I love him, but I don’t need him as a crutch anymore, and he doesn’t need me. He has everything he needs inside of him to stand on his own. If it is meant to be, we will find a way back to each other. But we each have a lot of growing to do.
“Becoming a vampire was the first decision I made for myself,” I say. “No laws dictated my worth. As a vampire, I had friends. My wanting to get back there doesn’t mean I don’t love you. You’re my best friend, Jaxson, but maybe it is time for us to become the people we were meant to be?”
Jaxson stares at me for a long moment.
I glance at my boots after the silence stretches for an uncomfortable amount of time. More words bubble up my throat, desperate to fix things, to mend the rift I’ve caused before he does what I ask and walks away for good.
What we had was special, even if it didn’t last, and I don’t want to lose him. I’m unsure how I’d survive another loss. We are star-crossed lovers in every sense of the term—destined to burn brightly but never together.
“You were destined for greatness, Desi,” Jaxson finally says.
“You, too, Jax.”
