Maybe it’s because the guy in the video reminds me of the guys I grew up with back in Jersey, the ones who’d mock you mercilessly and somehow make you feel more seen because of it. Nick saw through the pretentious bullshit in theArchitectural Livingpiece and laughed at it. And he looked like he was having fun. Making a video in his crappy apartment, mocking a celebrity who would never see it, cracking himself up over the difference between my apartment and his.
Or maybe the reason I’m feeling unsettled is even more simple than nostalgia. Nick is adorable, and not just in the obvious way, although those dimples could probably end wars.
And it reminds me how hard it is for me to find anyone like him, just a normal, cute guy, and get to know him without my name getting in the way.
I don’t say this to Gloria, but she obviously reads something in my expression and raises an eyebrow. “Anthony Devine, are you crushing on your own spoof video creator?”
My cheeks heat. “What? Of course not.”
Gloria smirks. “Uh-huh. Sure.”
I toss a throw pillow at her, which she deftly catches. “Oh, shut up. Don’t you have some important assistant stuff to do?”
She grins, standing. “As a matter of fact, I do. I’ve got to go update your Wikipedia page to include your new status as an interior design icon.”
I groan. “I’m never going to live this down, am I?”
Gloria pats my shoulder sympathetically as she walks past. “Nope. But hey, at least you’re trending for something other than your hairstyle or your love life, so we’ll take that as a win, right?”
“Your definition of ‘win’ needs some work.”
She laughs and heads for the door. “Love you too, boss.”
My daily workoutis supposed to clear my head. But it doesn’t work today. Instead, I can’t stop thinking about the guy in the video.
The way his dimples deepened when he grinned. The brightness of his laugh. The fact that he was so happy to mock himself and me in equal measure.
After I’ve had my shower, I head to the couch. Wondering what the hell I’m doing, I track down the original account that posted the Instagram reel. Then I log into my private Instagram account,AntD, and sendNickKnackPaddyWhacka message.
AntD
Hey, just wanted to say I really enjoyed the tour of your apartment. The part where you mocked me relentlessly was good, but I have to say your fig tree was the real highlight.
My phone pings with a message five minutes later.
NickKnackPaddyWhack
Sure, it’s all about the size of my…fig tree.
I laugh. Actually laugh, not just the polite version I’ve perfected for interviews. Okay, so he’s as funny in text as he was in the video.
AntD
Well, you know what they say—it’s not the size of the fig tree that matters, it’s how you decorate around it.
NickKnackPaddyWhack
I have to say, that’s much more profound than I expected from someone randomly popping into my DMs. I might include it in my upcoming book, The Zen of Milk Crate Furniture: Finding Enlightenment on a Budget.
I laugh again.
AntD
I really think you’ve got the “broke college student chic” aesthetic nailed. It’s like you’ve taken minimalism to a whole new level.
NickKnackPaddyWhack
There’s a possibility that minimalism, in my case, is just a fancy word for “I can’t afford real furniture.” But I like to think of it as a statement. A commentary on the fleeting nature of material possessions in an increasingly consumerist society.
