I ran into my ex tonight. It did not go well.
AntD
What happened?
NickKnackPaddyWhack
He was a complete dickhead to me.
I don’t understand why ex-boyfriends are not banished to another planet.
AntD
I agree. They should all be located on planet asshole.
NickKnackPaddyWhack
No. I don’t want to give them access to assholes. They don’t deserve that.
There’s a pause before Anthony’s reply flashes up on my screen.
AntD
I just snorted soda out of my nose thanks to you.
So, why did you break up?
NickKnackPaddyWhack
Because he’s a conniving, cheating scumbag, and it turns out those aren’t qualities I look for in a man.
AntD
Surprising.
NickKnackPaddyWhack
I know, right?
The thing I hate is how he tries to twist everything around so it’s my fault. Like, he claims he cheated on me because I’m inflexible in bed.
For the record, I’m very flexible in bed. But you know, apparently, because I didn’t want to engage in group sex all the time, I’m a prude.
AntD
Group sex is overrated.
Something in my chest loosens. It’s stupid how much those four words mean to me, but after months of Chad making mefeel like a freak for wanting something as radical as one person who doesn’t sleep with other people, hearing someone casually agree feels like being handed a glass of water after crawling through a desert.
NickKnackPaddyWhack
I completely agree. It’s like you spend so much time negotiating the logistics and what goes where that it loses its fun for me, you know? I prefer sex to be more spontaneous and about how you feel in the moment rather than needing to be choreographed. And I hate the fact that I’m branded heteronormative just because I believe in monogamy in a relationship. Like, that has nothing to do with my sexuality or how queer I am. I can be gay as fuck and still want just one person. Why is that so hard for people to understand?
Sorry for the rant.
AntD
No worries. And for the record, I agree with you 100%. It makes no sense to me that people who brand something heteronormative are then implying there’s a way to be normal as a queer person. The whole point was supposed to be that there’s no “right” way to love someone.
