NickKnackPaddyWhack
Emergency: the coffee shop I’m at is out of oat milk. This is not a drill.
AntD
Devastating. Thoughts and prayers
NickKnackPaddyWhack
How am I supposed to be a proper Gen Z without my oat milk latte?
AntD
You’ll have to settle for regular milk like a peasant from 2015
NickKnackPaddyWhack
Speaking of peasants, a guy just walked past wearing a monocle. Unironically.
AntD
NYC really is a magical place
NickKnackPaddyWhack
Right? Where else would I see a monocle in the wild?
Anyway, what’s going on with you?
AntD
Nothing too different from the usual. Although I met this guy today.
My stomach hollows. Which is ridiculous, I know. I don’t have any claim over this random guy who messages me pretending to be a pop star. We’re not dating. We’re not anything. He could be meeting guys every day for all I know.
NickKnackPaddyWhack
Good for you.
Wow. That came out slightly more passive-aggressive than I intended.
AntD
It was funny because he thought he had a crush on me, but actually, it was obvious he was in love with his roommate.
NickKnackPaddyWhack
How could you tell?
AntD
Because he wouldn’t stop talking about him.
My stomach does a small flip.
Oh no.
Jade commented last night that all I want to talk about is my text conversations with AntD. That maybe I should, you know, consider getting a life. Or at least realize that other people didn’t find messages about which Trader Joe’s snacks would survive a zombie apocalypse as funny as I did.
