“He was a drug addict,” Asher rasps out. “Sergei has been trying to get him clean for over a decade. Not that that excuses what I did, but I warned Katrina that I would come after him if her family followed through with their threats. I told her the night she cornered me in the restaurant, and I sent more messages to her and Sergei that I was not bullshitting around. I warned them that if they made any moves against you, me, my family, or Greenspan, that I would retaliate. And Yegor and Sergei didn’t listen.”
I swallow hard, trying to wrap my mind around Asher’s revelation.
“Most people would say I killed him in cold blood. And that’s true. But when Dimitri wasn’t high, he was his father’s puppet just like Katrina. And if anything, he was worse. He has a lot of blood on his own hands from years of taking out his father’s enemies. So, it’s not like I killed a saint or anything, but I won’t lie and say it’s justified. I killed him in retaliation and as a warning. Sergei and Yegor have been under the impression that I won’t hit back effectively because I won’t dirty my hands. And now they know how wrong they are. I don’t want to hurt or kill, but I will if it’s a matter of protecting my family. And I don’t feel an ounce of guilt over it. A heaviness, yes. But not guilt.”
Asher finally looks at me. His face is set with determination but also worry. Worry for how I’ll react to his truths.
He runs his hands through his hair and almost seems to be holding his breath. “I understand if this is too much for you. I won’t ask you to be with me if this is a line you can’t abide.”
He blinks rapidly, his throat bobbing on a swallow as he hangs his head.
My heart races as I try to sort through everything he’s just said.
Is this too much for me? Is this line too far?
I don’t know.
I know the answer should be yes.
Does it make me a bad person that it’s not an immediate yes?
I pace the room, my breaths coming in shallow, my thoughts fracturing in a million directions. Asher is so quiet, so controlled about his admission, it makes me wonder . . .
“Have you done something like this before?” I whisper, halting my pacing.
He looks at me briefly before giving a guilty nod.
“Once, when a man attacked my mother. Another time, when a man attacked Sterling, back when he was a teenager.”
I sit at the table in the corner, needing space to think.
“I don’t relish violence, Ella. I really don’t. But the money, the fame, and the power our family has makes us targets. Sometimes, I have to use violence against violence to keep my family safe.”
“How do you deal with that? How are you not freaking out right now?”
Asher sighs. “As I said, there is a heaviness in taking a life. I won’t deny it. But not guilt. Not when those I’ve killed have hurt my family or were willing to kill me or my family without a second thought. I would never hurt someone without cause. Every bad thing I’ve done was in the name of protecting those I love.”
I can see the truth blazing in his blue eyes, and it helps to stem the tide of confusion inside me.
I know Asher’s heart. And I know he is not the type of man who craves blood or violence. I know he wants to do good in the world. And I believe him when he says he’s only acted in defense of his family.
Can I live with this?
I don’t know what it says about me, but I think I can.
I stand and make my way over to Asher. His face is lined with apprehension, so I reach out and cup his cheek with my hand. I lift it until his eyes meet mine.
“I’m with you, Asher. I may not like this, and if I’m being honest, it scares me. But it doesn’t change anything. I can see that this isn’t what you want. You’ve been forced into this, and you’re doing what you must to keep yourself, your family, and me safe.”
He shakes his head lightly. “Just myself and my family.”
I furrow my brows. “What?”
“You said I’m keeping myself, my family, and you safe. But youaremy family, Ella. Not officially yet. But that doesn’t matter. You are my world. And nothing is more important than keeping you safe.”
“Just promise me that you’ll never cross the line. Don’t lose yourself in whatever you do to fight against Sergei and Yegor.”
“I promise.” He says it with such raw honesty, such conviction, that I know he means it with everything that he is.
