No!
“I just got out of the damn penthouse.”
Today is my first day back in the office. Not that it’s going all that well, but at least I get to interact with humans.
“I’m sorry, Ells. We can’t risk you.”
I groan.
“Asher is not going to back down on this. Whatever happened was serious.”
Fuck.
I shake my head lightly to clear my thoughts. I may hate heading back to the penthouse, but that pales in comparison to the gut-wrenching fear inside me knowing Asher was attacked.What happened? Who attacked him?He’s alive and okay, apparently, but still. I can’t bear the thought of something happening to him.
Which is why I know I need to calm my racing thoughts and not fight this. Asher will be out of his mind with worry. And if he was attacked, I could be attacked as well, so it’s a justified concern.
“This PR shit about Katrina is not important, Ella. Your safety is,” Declan says as he gently takes me by the elbow to help me stand.
“O-okay,” I say, still in a bit of a daze. I turn to look at Declan. “You’re sure Asher is okay?”
“He’s got some cuts and scrapes, but otherwise he’s fine. Right now, he’s focused on getting home and getting you to safety.”
“We have to end this,” I say, my voice quavering. “Whatever it takes, Declan. I can’t stand the thought of something happening to Asher.”
“We will, Ella. You have my word.”
16
ELLA
My nerves churn in my gut as I pace the floors of the penthouse. Eighteen hours is too long to wait for a flight, and I hardly slept last night. I haven’t spoken to Asher since yesterday at noon when his flight took off. He was only able to give me a quick call before takeoff, and with the security concerns, his team decided to keep communication off unless necessary. To make matters worse, I got a text at four a.m. from Asher telling me they hit a bad storm and their flight had been rerouted. He couldn’t send any more texts, and I haven’t heard a word since. It’s been two hours since then, and in those two hours, I’ve been restlessly pacing, waiting for any news.
All I’ve been able to think about is the text I read over Declan’s shoulder when he dropped me off at home. Asher gave a quick synopsis of the attack, and with every line I read, my stomach sank further. Hotel room gassed, security blocked, Asher and Robert tied up and unconscious in their hotel, Yegor Volkov holding a gun to Asher’s head. I hyperventilated near to passing out at the last bit of information.
I’ve been so foolish, I think, berating myself over how Ipushed Asher away a few weeks ago. I know how fragile life is. I know what it’s like to lose someone so important to you that they’re irreplaceable. The process of losing my father was slow and painful as he battled cancer for a few years, but even though we had accepted his fate in the end, it didn’t diminish the pain. It didn’t change the fact that all we wanted, all we craved as his family, was more time with him. Especially the time before the diagnosis. I’d heard my father speak his regrets dozens and dozens of times about how he’d wished he had done things differently. If he’d known he only had a few more years to live, he would have changed his life. He would have cut back at work, he would have spent more time with his wife and daughters, he would have given himself more freedom to spend time on hobbies and on the things that brought him joy. He wouldn’t have given so much of himself to a job that hired his replacement the same week he started chemotherapy.
It seems I’ve forgotten my father’s words. I’ve forgotten that I can’t take life for granted. I can’t take people and relationships for granted, and I can’t move through life only half living because of fear. That’s no way to live. It would be a tragedy to wake up one day and realize I didn’t live because I was afraid. Pain and loss are a part of life, and buffering and hiding myself away to avoid them won’t save me.
I’ve let my fear of being hurt keep me from giving my all, at least to an extent, to Asher—but that ends tonight. No more holding back. I’ll let go and do what feels so natural—being with him. And if things end between us, then I’ll deal with the pain that comes with it. I’m going to love Asher, and if he’s afraid of committing all the way to me, then I guess I’ll just have to live with that until he’s ready. I can be brave enough for the two of us.
Finally, after hours of waiting, my phone rings.
I answer it before even looking at the name.
“We made it,” Asher’s voice says. He lets out a long breath. “We didn’t have to reroute after all, we just ended up circling over the ocean for a bit. And now we’re on the tarmac safe and sound.”
“Thank god,” I rasp, barely able to get the words out. I collapse onto the sofa.
Asher gives a ghost of a chuckle. “Anxious to see me, Ms. Hale?”
“You have no fucking idea. I almost had a heart attack when Declan told me what happened to you.”
“You and me both.”
“God. Sorry. I’ve been so caught up in my own fear, I haven’t even asked how you’re doing. That must have been terrifying.”
“It was scary for a minute.”
