I rubbed my face and watched her disappear down the hall.
Watchin’ her walk away like that still twisted somethin’ in my chest, ‘cause for months we had been good. We had been laughin’, sleepin’ together, talkin’ about the baby, and actin’ like that crack in our marriage had finally closed. Now all it took was one damn interview for it to open again, and I hated that shit.
I could deal with Roderick’s bitch ass starin’ at me like he wanted me dead. I could deal with half this island talkin’ about me. I could kinda sorta deal with that bogus ass interview Echo just did. But dealin’ with Toni hurtin’ ‘cause of my mistakes?
That was the one fight I never knew how to win.
As the days went on, a nigga felt like he was in the doghouse. I was tryna act like it ain’t bother me, but that cold shoulder shitToni had been givin’ me since that interview dropped was hittin’ harder than I let on.
Echo runnin’ her fuckin’ mouth on that interview cracked somethin’ open in my house, and even though Toni said she forgave me months ago, I could see that old hurt peekin’ through her eyes again. She wasn’t yellin’ or cryin’, but was just movin’ quiet, answerin’ short and stayin’ in her own head. To me, that shit was worse than a damn scream. So I did what I know how to do.
I catered…
Every mornin’ I made sure the chefs had a full spread ready before she even stepped foot out our bedroom. I’m talkin’ eggs made how she like ‘em, fluffy pancakes, fresh fruit cut up neat, turkey sausage and smoothies packed with whatever vitamins she needed. I walked her to the table, pulled her chair out and kissed her cheek like nothin’ was wrong even when I could feel that invisible wall sittin’ between us.
She would sit there eatin’, barely lookin’ at me, but I still poured her juice and rubbed my hand over her belly while she chewed. Sometimes she tried to act like my hand was in the way, but she never actually moved it. And when my palm warmed against her stomach, our daughter would start movin’ like she knew I was there.
That part right there did somethin’ to me every time.
I always leaned down and pressed my lips against her belly, kissin’ slow over the spot where I felt them lil’ kicks.
“Hey, baby girl,” I whispered against Toni’s skin. “Daddy right here.”
And like clockwork, she would move again.
It got to the point where I ain’t even have to wait long. Soon as my hand touched Toni’s stomach, my daughter started dancin’ like she been waitin’ on me all day. That bond hit deep, and I ain’t never felt nothin’ like it.
I would sit there talkin’ to her through Toni’s belly, sayin’ her name soft, tellin’ her how much I love her, how I couldn’t wait to see her and how she already had me wrapped around her finger.
Toni would roll her eyes sometimes and act like she wasn’t impressed, but I would catch her watchin’ me when she thought I wasn’t lookin’. There was still love in her eyes, but they just had hurt sittin’ on top of it.
Lunches was handled too. I made sure small meals was sent up to her. If she was on the patio, food got delivered there. If she was in the bedroom restin’, it went there. I checked in, askin’ if she ate, and even if she answered with a simple “yeah,” I would still sit beside her and feed her a bite myself just to make her look at me.
Dinner was the same, and at night, no matter how she acted durin’ the day, I still ran her bath water.
I filled the tub up just right, not too hot, not too cool, then go find her wherever she was and tell her it was ready. She sighed like I was botherin’ her, but she still walked to the bathroom with me. I helped her step in, careful with her weight now that she was six months and gettin’ bigger, and I always sat on the edge of the tub rubbin’ her shoulders while she soaked.
After she got out, I grabbed the oil and warmed it up in my hands before I touched her.
I would start at her shoulders, work my way down her arms, over her back, then I would kneel in front of her and take my time with her belly. I oiled her stomach slow, spreadin’ it in circles while I stared at the stretch of her skin growin’ for our baby. I loved that shit. I loved how her body was changin’, and how full she looked. I loved how she carried my daughter so beautifully.
Sometimes I pressed my lips right under her belly button and just stayed there for a second, breathin’ her in.
Of course, she acted annoyed. “Kay’Lo, stop.”
She said that bullshit but never actually pushed me away. I just ignored that shit, kissin’ lower, then back up to the side of her belly where I felt movement.
“My baby in there wildin’,” I said, smilin’ against her skin. “She gon’ be just like me.”
“Lord help her,” Toni would mutter.
Even when she pretended like she wasn’t feelin’ me, she still let me hold her hand when we walked through the mansion. I laced my fingers through hers like it was automatic, and she wouldn’t squeeze back, but she wouldn’t let go either. I walked her slow with one hand holdin’ hers and the other restin’ on her stomach, talkin’ to my daughter like Toni wasn’t even mad at me.
Those past few days had been just like that; me showin’ up and lovin’ her through the attitude. It was me not arguin’ back and kissin’ her even when she turned her head just enough to make it difficult. Because at the end of the day, this was my wife… and I loved her.
Today was Prestyn’s second birthday, so we had to leave the crib and head over to Pressure’s place. Sha’Nelle wasn’t feelin’ well and ain’t wanna risk gettin’ the kids sick, so she stayed behind, which meant it was just me and Toni ridin’ together.
Toni came down the stairs dressed in this soft fitted dress that hugged her belly just right, and even though she had still been givin’ a nigga that cold energy, she looked so damn beautiful it made my chest tighten a lil’. Her hair fell down her back smooth, her skin glowin’, and the way she walked careful but confident with our baby in front of her made me wanna grab her up right there.
