The stew tasted amazin’. The meat was tender and the potatoes was soft, and everything blended together in a way that made you close your eyes for a second after the first bite.
About halfway through the meal, Kwame cleared his throat.
“Toni,” he said.
I looked up at him, expectin’ tension out of habit.
“Yes?”
“How has the pregnancy been for you?” he asked. “Are you comfortable? Are you getting enough rest?”
It took me a second to answer ‘cause I wasn’t used to him askin’ me shit like that.
“I’m good,” I replied. “Some days I’m tired, but overall, I’m good.”
He nodded slow. “Well. I can’t wait to meet her,” he said. “And I plan to be present in her life.”
My eyes burned a lil’ at that, and I swallowed hard before noddin’.
“Thank you,” I managed.
Then he did somethin’ I never thought I’d see.
He stood up, and walked around the table. And he stopped right beside me.
“Toni,” he said, his voice calm but clear, “I owe you an apology.”
The room went quiet…
“I misjudged you,” he continued. “I assumed things about you that were not fair. And over the years you have proven yourself to be loyal, strong, and committed to Kay’Lo.”
My throat tightened…
“You love him,” he said. “And you have stood by him. That is all I ever wanted for him, and I did not recognize it soon enough.”
The tears I had been holdin’ back slipped down my face before I could stop them.
Kay’Lo immediately wiped them away and pulled me closer, kissin’ the side of my face while I tried to keep it together.
Kwame looked at me with somethin’ close to regret but also respect.
“Thank you for being the wife I prayed my son would have,” he said.
That broke me…
Not ‘cause I needed praise, but because I needed the acknowledgment. I needed him to see me, and now he did.
Treasure was cryin’ too, smilin’ through it, and Kay’Lo held me tighter like he knew exactly how much that meant.
Kwame reached down slowly. “May I?” he asked, gesturing toward my stomach.
“Of course,” I said through my tears.
He placed his hand real gentle on my stomach, and for a moment the whole room felt different.
Kay’Lo’s hand stayed over mine while his father felt for his granddaughter, and for the first time since I had become part of this family, I felt like I truly belonged.
Today I was missing my boys so much it felt like something alive was clawing at my insides, and I couldn’t tell if it was grief or rage anymore because at this point they lived in the same place. Some days the grief sat quiet enough for me to function, and I could put on the suit, step into the office, speak in full sentences, and let the public keep believing I was still the man they had always known. Other days it dragged me straight back to the cemetery and straight back to the sound of dirt hitting wood, and it dragged me back to the sight of two caskets lined up like somebody wanted to make sure I never forgot the shape of my own heartbreak.
