The silence between us stretched long for a moment. It wasn’t necessarily uncomfortable. It was just heavy.
Then Toni’s voice came out real shaky.
“Kay’Lo… I miss you.”
Those three words always hit me harder than this whole damn jail sentence. I let out a sigh that came from the bottom of my damn soul. I pressed my thumb against my eyelid and tried to breathe slow.
“I miss you too, baby,” I whispered. “I miss you so fuckin’ much. I can’t wait to come home to you. I been thinkin’ ‘bout it every night in this bitch.”
She ain’t speak right away, and that’s how I knew she was cryin’. Toni never wanted me to hear her break, especially when she was tryna be strong for both of us, but her sniff crept through the phone anyway. It was small but sharp, and it stabbed right through my heart.
“Baby,” I said low, lettin’ my voice soften, “what I tell you ‘bout all that cryin’? You gon’ have me over here tryna run through these walls.”
She sniffed again, and my throat tightened up even though I fought that shit.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m tryna be strong but it’s gettin’ hard, ‘Lo. I hate bein’ without you.”
I ran my tongue across my teeth and looked at the ground ‘cause I ain’t want nobody seein’ my face right then. I felt weak as hell, and I hated it. I hated bein’ locked up while my wife was carryin’ my baby at home. I hated that she went to sleep without me every night. I hated that my mama had to take care of her instead of me. I hated that this whole situation came from my own stupid ass decisions.
I swallowed hard and forced the words out.
“Baby… I fucked up. I know I did. I should’ve done better by you. I should’ve never stepped out on you with that bitch. I swear to God if I could?—”
“‘Lo,” Toni cut in, her voice full of tears, “I don’t care about that shit no more. I told you that. I love you. I love you so much. And I’m sorry too for pushin’ you away. I should’ve fought for us harder.”
Her voice cracked at the end, and I dropped my head lower, lettin’ my forehead hit my fist. I never wanted to hear her hurt again. I never wanted to be the reason she sounded like this.
“I’m comin’ home to you,” I told her, my voice rough but low. “I don’t give a fuck what they talkin’ about. I’m gon’ be there. And when I get there, I’m lovin’ all over you, and all over that belly. And all over that body. You hear me?”
She let out this lil’ laugh through her tears, soft and shaky.
“All you care about is touchin’ on me,” she whispered.
“That ain’t all,” I said, smilin’ a lil’ even though the ache in my chest stayed. “But a nigga would be lyin’ if I said I wasn’t thinkin’ ‘bout suckin’ ya toes right now. Your pretty ass feet been on my mind every night.”
“Kay’Lo…” she breathed, laughin’ again even though she was still cryin’. “You stupid.”
Another quiet moment passed...
“I miss you,” she whispered again. “I miss you so much. I don’t know how much longer I can take this.”
“You stronger than you know,” I told her. “You been holdin’ shit down like a real queen, baby, and you gon’ keep doin’ it. You hear me? You got my mama right there with you. You got the best doctors money can buy, and our baby. You ain’t alone.”
“But I want you,” she said. “I want you here.”
My voice dropped even lower.
“I know. And I’m comin’ home. I swear on everything I love. Just hold it down a lil’ longer.”
When the time was up, that automated voice came on over the speakers and shattered both of us. Toni inhaled like she was tryna stop herself from breakin’ again.
“I love you, Kay’Lo,” she said soft.
“I love you too, mama,” I whispered. “More than anything. Go eat somethin’ for me. Somethin’ good. Somethin’ sweet.”
“I will.”
“And rub your belly for me.”
