“Kay’Lo…”
“A’ight, baby… now put one leg over the side of the tub for me.
I nodded even though he couldn’t see me, and did just that.
“I want you open, and put two fingers in my pussy. Do it how I do when I’m eatin’ you… slow first, then push ’em in all the way so I hear it.”
I slid two fingers inside and the warmth of the water made everything feel deeper.
“Baby… I miss you,” I breathed out, my voice barely there.
“I’m right here. Now fuck your fingers for me.”
I moved them in and out my pussy, and the pressure had my toes curlin’. He talked me through every second, his voice deep and calm like he had his mouth on me instead of a jail phone. Every time my breath trembled, he whispered somethin’ nasty that made my body tighten even more, and I swear I could feel his mouth in place of my fingers, suckin’ me through every slow stroke like he had all the time in the world to make me fall apartfor him. He kept tellin’ me how he would be suckin’ on me right now, holdin’ my hips down while I tried to run from the nut, and his voice was so deep and sexy, it felt like his tongue was on me for real, lickin’ me through every second until my whole body felt weak.
“Pull your fingers out, baby,” he said after a minute. “Now rub that clit again but faster. I know you close. I know ya voice better than I know my own. I been listenin’ to you cum for me for years, so don’t play. Make that pussy cry for me, baby.”
“Kay’Lo… oh my God…”
“That’s right. Cum for me baby. Let me hear it. Let me hear what I’m doin’ to you.”
My body tightened and my thighs squeezed together as the orgasm rolled through me. A deep moan fell out my mouth and he groaned right along with me like he felt it through the phone.
“You sound beautiful,” he whispered. “Talk to me, baby. Did Daddy make you feel good? Did I give you what you needed?”
“Yes,” I moaned, my eyebrows pulled together tight as hell, ‘cause my pussy was contractin’ and throbbin’.
I was still breathin’ heavy, tryna pull myself back together when the automated voice cut in and snapped me back to reality.
Kay’Lo sighed. “I gotta go baby. I’ll call when I can.”
“Kay’Lo, wait… please don’t hang up yet.”
“I ain’t got no choice baby. I love you. I love my child. I’m gon’ call as soon as they let me.”
“Ugh,” I whispered. “I love you too.”
The line disconnected and I felt my whole chest collapse in on itself.
The nut took the edge off my body, but my heart still felt raw and thin like I ain’t have no protection around it. I slid deeper into the water and covered my face with both hands ‘cause missin’ Kay’Lo hurt worse than any damn thing I’ve ever felt.
I wanted my husband home. I wanted him next to me, and the more I loved him, the harder it got to survive on phone calls alone.
The Lennox Residence
It had been weeks since we buried my brothers, but I was far from being over this shit. I woke up every morning with my pillow damp from crying in my sleep, and it didn’t matter how many times I washed my face, the grief stayed on me like a stain. Rioh and Jaqwon were dead, and it felt like pieces of my body had been lowered into the ground with them.
Every night, the same nightmare played over in my head. I would see them walking towards Kay’Lo’s shop again, and right before the gun went off, I would wake up with my heart pounding and tears running down my face. Sometimes I woke up calling their names, like I could pull them back if I screamed loud enough. Other times I saw their bodies on that pavement and I felt myself break all over again. No matter what angle mymind replayed it from, the ending never changed. My brothers were gone because of me, and no amount of lying to myself could swallow that truth whole.
I told everyone that Kay’Lo had been stalking me, that I had gone to his shop to tell him to leave me alone, and that Rioh and Jaqwon were just there to keep the peace. That was the story, and that was what I said every time someone asked, but I knew the truth like I knew my own name. I sent them there with my stupid ass pride and my jealousy hurting worse than my common sense. I pushed and poked at a man who clearly wasn’t like anybody I ever played with before, and I did that shit without thinking about the world he came from. I thought I was untouchable because of who my father was, and now every time I closed my eyes I saw the price of that lie.
I found myself scrolling through Toni’s Instagram from my burner account again, even though every time I looked I ended up feeling like my chest was being crushed. That bitch posted him every day like she was proud of backing a killer. It was always:Free him. Bring my husband home. I miss you, baby.She posted pictures of her and Kay’Lo smiling, and all it did was make my anger twist into something dark and ugly. She had a whole life with him while mine felt cracked down the middle. I hated her for still having him, and I hated myself for wanting him at one point, even though I knew he belonged to her. But I couldn’t bring myself to admit that sleeping with that nigga was the start of this disaster. I couldn’t say out loud that maybe the karma was mine to carry.
My eyes were burning again, so I grabbed my keys. I needed to be with my family, and breathe somewhere familiar.
The drive to my parents’ house felt long even though it was barely twenty minutes. The deeper I went into our neighborhood, the heavier everything got. All the houses lookedthe same, but ours felt colder now, like grief had soaked into the walls and refused to leave.
My oldest brother, A’Mii’s car was parked crooked in the driveway. He always parked like that when he was feeling reckless. I parked behind him and took a slow breath before going inside. I could hear the low murmur of my father’s voice before I even reached the hallway.
