As soon as the door shut behind us, and the sound of the rain got muffled, the truth hit me again so hard I almost stumbled.
I really killed Echo.
Trill-Land, ‘LoLux Estate
The next morning…
While Toni slept in my arms, I sat with my back pressed against the headboard and my eyes stuck on the light like I could stare through it and make last night un-happen. Her body was curled up on me like she was tryna climb inside my ribs and hide, and I held her the same way I held her when she was sick, when she was hurt, when she was scared, and when she ain’t know how to ask me for help without feelin’ ashamed about it.
My hand stayed on her stomach, and My’Love was in there movin’ like she had somewhere to be. It was like she knew I was up, and was tryna remind me she was still here, fightin’, and she was okay.
Toni was sleep, but me and my baby was wide awake, and I ain’t even gon’ lie, it felt like we was havin’ our own quiet moment together in the middle of all this crazy shit.
I kept rubbin’ her belly slow, addin’ just enough pressure to let My’Love feel me, and every time she moved I felt them kicks tap on my palm.
She was sayin’ ‘I’m here, daddy,’ and that’s what it felt like.
It should’ve been a good feelin’, and been that peace I get when I’m with my family, but my mind couldn’t stop replayin’ Toni’s face from last night when she ran through the rain and clung to me with my gun in her hand like she ain’t even recognize herself.
I still couldn’t wrap my fuckin’ head around it ‘cause Toni wasn’t built like that. Toni was hard-headed and mouthy and she would fight a bitch in the street if she had to, but killin’ somebody was different. That wasn’t her lane. That was my lane.
For a long time, Toni had been scared of that part of me, even when she loved me, ‘cause she knew what I was capable of and she knew I meant it. She used to look at me sometimes like she was wonderin’ if she married the devil, and I used to laugh it off and pull her close and tell her she was safe as long as she was mine.
Now them tables had turned in a way I never saw comin’, and I was the one holdin’ her through it while she felt apart in my arms.
I wasn’t mad at her, ‘cause I couldn’t be mad at her. I understood what rage felt like when somebody kept pokin’ and pokin’ and pokin’ until your soul got tired of bein’ cool about the shit.
What bothered me was the fact that I missed the signs. I missed the way she had been movin’ lately. I kept thinkin’ it was pregnancy hormones and stress from the trial. I kept tellin’myself I had it handled ‘cause I was the one fightin’ this case and I was the one carryin’ the weight.
Whole time, my wife was changin’ right in front of me, and last night proved it.
The second I got Toni cleaned up and in bed, I moved like I always move when it was time to protect mine.
I ain’t lay there cryin’ with her, and I damn sure ain’t sit there askin’ a million fuckin’ questions. I kissed her forehead, tucked her under my arm, and once her breath slowed down, I got up and made calls.
My first call was to Renza. I called that nigga fast as hell ‘cause I already knew what time it was.
Toni took my gun, which meant shell casings was left behind, which meant any weapon in my house could become a problem if the wrong person decided they wanted to connect dots. I wasn’t about to let nobody link shit to my wife. It wasn’t gon’ be no fuckin’ fingerprints, no residue, no gun powder, not a damn thing.
Renza pulled up, and he ain’t hit me with no questions or nothin’ extra ‘cause that nigga knew I wouldn’t be callin’ him at that hour unless it was real.
I had every gun in the house collected, even the ones I ain’t wanna let go of, and I gave ‘em to him ‘cause this wasn’t about what I wanted. This was about what I needed to do. That part hurt me more than I admitted out loud, ‘cause I couldn’t sleep comfortably without my protection close, and I ain’t like feelin’ exposed in my own crib.
Still, for Toni, I would sleep in a room with nothin’ but my fists if I had to.
Then I went outside and handled the next part. I got on my roof in the middle of the night while it was rainin’ like the world was endin’, and I snatched cameras like they was decorations. I pulled them down from angles I knew could see too much, andI tossed them bitches into a bag like I was takin’ out trash. I ain’t give a fuck about the mess and I ain’t give a fuck about gettin’ soaked either, ‘cause I wasn’t thinkin’ about comfort, and I damn sure wasn’t thinkin’ about myself. I ain’t give a fuck if I slipped on that slick ass roof and broke my muthafuckin’ neck slidin’ down that hoe, ‘cause I was gon’ do whatever I had to do to make sure this shit didn’t touch my wife.
I handed the cameras to Renza too and told him to make sure none of that shit ever made it back to me, and he nodded like he understood the assignment.
Now it was the next day, and the house was quiet in that heavy way that only happens after somethin’ big. The rain had eased up outside, but the sky still looked mean, and Toni was sleepin’ in my arms like she ain’t slept in weeks.
Then my phone rang. I ain’t flinch, but my stomach tightened.
“Wussup?” I answered.
Kade’s voice was tight. “Kay’Lo.”
“Wussup…” I replied like we was talkin’ about regular business, even though I knew it wasn’t that.
