Chapter 1 – Emika
I let out a soft sigh, my fingers combing through my long, dark auburn hair. My eyes were still heavy with sleep, my vision a bit foggy. I rubbed my forehead, wishing at this point that I had the ability to shut off that alarm clock without having to move a muscle.
A deep groan vibrated in my throat as I slammed the back of my head against the soft pillow beneath it. I slapped a palm on my face, grudgingly rolling over to the other edge of the bed.
And there, I fell off.
“Oh, come on!” I grumbled the second my body hit the wooden floor.
I lay down there, too weak to get back up; intoxicated by sleep. Or at least, the remnants of it. I just wanted to close my eyes and drift back to the dream where I had a perfect life. A present father and a mother who didn’t have to work two jobs just so I wouldn’t starve.
Yet, that stupid alarm clock wouldn’t shut the fuck up. It kept buzzing on and on. And the more I tried to force myself back to sleep, the clearer my mind became. I was fully awake and there was nothing that I could do to return to that dream.
I opened my eyes with a faint scowl on my face as I glared at the ceiling fan like it was the cause of my misfortune. I hated my reality, and the fact that that dream would’ve been possible if my father hadn’t left us when he did only pissed me off even more.
He was a horrible husband and an even more horrible father. I always told myself that I didn’t miss him; that my life was better off without him. However, deep down in my heart, I knew that was wrong. It was just anger and hate talking.
Sometimes, I’d sit alone, wondering how my life would’ve been if he never left. I was twenty-three and was alreadyfinishing my final semester in law school while interning part-time at a legal aid office.
Mom was proud, and she never missed the chance to tell me that. Although her words of encouragement and the pride in her voice meant the world to me, I still craved my father’s attention deep down. I hated it. I hated the emptiness and the void his absence left inside me.
Would he be proud of the woman I was becoming? How would it feel to hear him say the words I’d always wanted him to say to me?
To a lot of people, I was a tough nut to crack—stubborn as hell and fearless in the face of danger. But inside, I was just a little girl craving her father’s attention; something that seemed more and more impossible with each passing day.
It didn’t matter how much I missed the man; his absence in our lives was the reason I was determined to be successful. I watched my mother work so hard to put food on my table. I watched her fall sick, and I watched her recover within a day or two.
It was almost like she was unstoppable, and nothing could ever keep her down for more than two days. In sickness, she worked. In health, she worked. The woman was my superhero, my role model, and the reason why I couldn’t afford to fail in life.
I wanted to be a successful lawyer so I could give her the life she hadn’t gotten to enjoy. All those years she spent taking care of me, all the things she denied herself just so I could eat and have clothes to wear, she would have them all in abundance.
I was determined to change our lives for good, determined to spoil her in ways she couldn’t even imagine. This woman had taught me everything I knew, and I owed my life to her. She went through hell just to put me through school, and that’s the reason why I was so focused on my academics.
Despite all the distractions that came with being a college student, I refused to lose my focus. I knew where I was coming from and what my mother had endured to send me here.
Unlike the other kids, I wasn’t born with a silver spoon, so why live like them when my reality was different from theirs?
However, despite how serious and disciplined I was, I wasn’t a nerd or a loner who pushed people away. In fact, I was the exact opposite. I’d mastered the art of masking my pain with smiles and laughs. I was jovial and played a lot when I wanted to.
People said I was idealistic, stubborn, and deeply principled. Yet free-spirited and funny. I wasn’t sure about thefunnypart, but that’s what they claimed.
Hmm. Maybe I’d consider stand-up comedy in my next life.
I rose to my feet, my tangled hair framing my face as I walked over to the buzzing alarm clock and shut it off. I piled up my hair into a messy bun and caught a reflection of myself in the mirror.
My lips curled into a small grin as I recited my morning affirmation. “You’re beautiful. You’re strong. And you’re successful.” I repeated the words nine more times, my brown doe eyes sparkling with mirth.
Although my reality wasn’t what I wanted, I was working on changing my story. For my mother. For me.
Today was supposed to be like every other day. I was going to spend the morning in class, hang out with my friend, Celina, in my free time, resume at the office in the afternoon, and then study all night long.
I hadn’t heard from Mom in a few days, and each time I said I was going to call her, I’d end up forgetting. However, I made up my mind that today wasn’t going to pass by without me calling her.
After I was done reciting my affirmations, I headed to the bathroom to get ready for the day. Once done, I slipped into my outfit: a black pencil skirt, a crisp white top, and a pair of practical flats.
After class, I met with Celina at our favorite café, and we sat in our usual booth by the window.
“So, tell me,” she said, sitting across from me. “Have you heard from Ethan lately?”
