“We could start over, Avery.” For the first time in my life, I can see it. Arealfuture. “A house close to the water. Big windows, lots of light. Just a nice, normal life.”
“Chris…” She’s being careful with her tone. Gentle. Like she’s afraid to hurt me. “Where is this coming from?”
“It’s what I want,” I say simply.
“You want a house in Oregon?”
I shake my head, cup her face with my palm. “No. I wantyou.”
She pauses. “You don’t even know my middle name.”
“So tell me.”
She can’t fight the smile. The corners of her lips betray her. She can’t hide how she feels. She’s honest, and it’s one of the things I love about her.
“That’s not the point. The point is you’re talking about running away with me like this is a movie. This is real life, Chris. Things don’t work that way.”
I shrug. “Maybe they do. Maybe the only reason they don’t is because people are too afraid to try.”
“And you’re not afraid?” she counters.
I am. I’m terrified. But she can’t know that. “No. My whole life has been about keeping myself clear of commitment. Anything that could tie me down to one place. But now that I’ve met you…I know that has to change.”
She looks at me quietly, eyes searching my face, searching for a lie. I look back at her unguarded, coming to terms with the realization that my mantra that built the strong walls that have protected me all these years has really just built me a prison.
Her hands tighten on mine. “So what would our days look like?” she asks softly.
Something goes tight in my chest. She’s not saying yes, but she’s also not saying no. I have to paint a picture for her. One that will show her the life I am desperate to provide.
“I’d wake you up nicely…” she blushes but keeps eye contact. “We’d make breakfast together. You’d teach me how to not to make my scrambled eggs taste like rubber.”
A half-laugh escapes her lips. “Crucial skill.”
“You’d take pictures all day and show them to me. And at night, we’d fall asleep together. You curled up in my arms while I listen to you breathe and ask myself how I got so lucky.”
Her eyes are bright now. She’s clutching my hand tightly. “You really want that?”
I nod. “Only if it’s with you.”
She stays silent a long time. I let her. I’ve put it all on the line for her. There’s nothing left to do now but wait. The city hums outside as I watch her. I’m standing on the edge—on a tightrope wire—and what she says next will determine if I live or die.
“Rose,” she finally says.
“What?”
“My middle name is Rose.”
My arm tightens around her. I kiss her gently on the forehead and close my eyes. It’s not a yes, but it’s a step in the right direction. And right now, it feels like enough.
It feels like a beginning.
6
AVERY
I textJules from Chris’s bed while he’s in the shower. I’m wearing his black T-shirt that smells like him and a pair of panties, my legs all tangled up in the sheets.
I bite my lip to stop myself from giggling as I type.
