“Can I tell you something and have it stay here?”
“Course.”
I scratch my jaw, standing, then pacing a little. “Did you know that Melanie was pregnant? Back then.”
Liam frowns, clearly confused. “No. Wait…what?”
I push my lips together into a tight line and nod.
Liam’s jaw falls slack then. “Y-yours?”
“Yeah.” I shake my head, still in disbelief.
“Fuck,” Liam mutters.
“She lost the baby in the accident. I just found out. I found a letter she never gave me in a drawer. It crushed me.”
“You talk to her about it?”
“Kind of. I flipped out. I didn’t have it in me to stay calm.” I move to the steps now and sit, rubbing my eyes.
Liam takes a sip of the beer he intended for me, hanging on my every word.
Then I tell him everything. How I wrestled with what to say to her but when she came in, I lost my cool and couldn’t talk about it rationally. I tell him how I had been planning a life with her, she was it for me, and now I don’t know what to think. Liam listens intently the whole time, and I’m brought back to the days we spent together that summer. The girls would wander away on the beach or leave us alone to go to the bathroom together. Liam and I were buds. Not best friends, but we had things to talk about. He listens to me now like a brother would and I’m grateful.
When I finish, I glance at him. “Tell me what to do, man. You’re married. You know this shit. What do I do?”
Liam shakes his head. “I wish I could. But this one’s for you to figure out.”
“You got nothing?” I look at him, confused.
“Nope.” Liam sighs. “I’ll tell you this, though. After you moved, Melanie and I got close. For many years. She never once mentioned a pregnancy or miscarriage to me. God. She was hurting, and she still showed up for me when I was at my worst.”
His words stop me cold and my head jerks up before I can school my reaction. Then I look away, fixing my gaze on the deck. Close? For many years? Jesus. I didn’t know. She never told me that either. That hits me harder than anything. “She took care of everyone but herself,” I finally manage, my voice rough.
“Yeah,” he says softly.
I rub the back of my neck, trying to push down the knot in my chest. It shouldn’t matter who she was with back then, not after everything we’ve shared now, but it stings all the same. Another secret. Another reminder of how much time we lost. I’m starting to feel like I don’t know her at all.
“You know, I’m not mad at seventeen-year-old Melanie. She lost me, Cara, and our baby all at once. That’s hell.” I clear my throat, trying to keep it together. “But why wouldn’t she tell me now?”
Liam shakes his head. “I can’t answer that for her,” he says slowly. “But for what it’s worth, I have never seen Melanie so happy. Ever.”
I nod, biting the inside of my cheek. “I just need some time to think.”
Liam nods. He moves to sit next to me on the step and claps me on the back. “Then take it. But don’t wait too long.”
I let out a chuckle, eyes still on the yard. “What have you had years of therapy or something?”
Liam takes a sip of his drink with a smirk. “You could say that. Come on, let’s find you a bed.”
33
MELANIE
Iwake up Sunday morning with a pain in my head that feels like someone took a jackhammer to it. I reach across the mattress next to me for Josh, but he isn’t there. For a moment, I think maybe he’s gotten up to make us breakfast. I smell the air for a hint of bacon or coffee. But there’s nothing. Just a thick stillness of stale apartment air.
Bile rises in my throat as the memory of the night before comes crashing back to me. I hurl myself out of bed and into the living room. The bottle of Jack Daniels, the empty glass, and my crumpled letter all still sit on the coffee table. The shades are drawn, and the room is dark, summer sunlight desperate to peek through. I move the curtains to the side. Then I open the front door and step into the sunroom porch, gazing down at the alley, hoping I might see Josh’s truck. Maybe he slept in it. But it’s not there. He really left.
