“You too tired to rehearse tonight?” he asks, frowning at me.
I shake my head. “No, I’ll manage. It’s important. Besides, with the holiday, we’ll probably miss practicing tomorrow.”
“Yeah. And…” Josh hesitates. “I picked up a regular gig. Maybe on nights you’re off you can join me, but the manager at Fin’s asked if I’d consider playing there on Wednesday nights through the end of the summer. I don’t have much else going on so I figured, why not?” He lifts a shoulder, tipping his head to the side.
I pause mid chew and meet his eyes. I can’t imagine what it must be like to walk into a restaurant, be recognized, and immediately be gifted a regular gig. A twinge runs through me, sharp and unexpected. It isn’t that I begrudge him the spotlight—he’s earned it. Maybe it’s that Josh and I have been making music together and now he’s found some way to do it without me. I know it’s not fair to feel that way. He’s not working steady shifts like I am; of course he needs something that’s his. Still, there’s a quiet ache I can’t shake, the uneasy sense of being left behind while he’s already moving forward.
When I don’t say anything, he adds, “I thought it would help promote the concert.”
I offer him a tight smile. “You’re right. It probably will.” I take a long sip of my water before saying anything else.
Josh watches me carefully. “You’re all right with it, aren’t you?”
Guilt pricks the back of my neck, and I smile apologetically. “Yes. I’m sorry. I’m just tired.”
“You sure that’s all it is?” He reaches for my hand.
“I guess I’m just feeling a little lost in my own life, is all.” I press my lips together. “It’s not you.”
“You’ll figure it out, babe. I’ll help you.” He offers me a reassuring smile before plucking a piece of calamari off his plate, dunking it in the Thai chili sauce, closing his eyes, and moaning while he chews. “Man, I have missed good seafood.”
This gets a snicker out of me. “It’s pretty great,” I agree.
“So, tomorrow, what’s the plan?”
I get together with my group of friends for a barbecue on the Fourth, and we all catch the fireworks from the beach. I haven’t even opened the group text to find out what the plans are yet, but I guess we’ll go.
“Probably a party at someone’s house and fireworks on the beach, like every year.” I shrug.
“And…at the risk of sounding seventeen again, are we a couple at this public outing?” Josh’s eyes have a teasing glint to them.
I huff a light laugh and reach for his hand. “Sure.”
“Good.” Josh seems satisfied by that answer, and it should make me happy. He wants to be with me. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and appreciate the here and now.
“I am going to see my dad in the morning first,” I tell him, getting up to throw my plate away.
“Do you want me to come?” Josh asks, and if I’m not mistaken, there’s a twinge of hopefulness laced in there.
“Oh…uh, not this time,” I say, wincing. “We haven’t caught up in a while, and I really need to fill him in.”
“All right,” he says. “I’ll just stay here and grind some more.” He offers me a crooked smile, but I can’t help feeling the weight of guilt pressing against my chest.
“You’ll be okay?” I ask, hopefully.
“I’ll manage.” He leans in for a kiss and I almost change my mind, but I really do need to talk to my dad.
“Okay,” I say, pulling back and brushing some hair off his forehead. “I won’t be long.”
* * *
July fourth fallson a Friday this year which means the town is abuzz with tourists. It takes me fifteen minutes to get over to my dad’s house on the north side of town and by the time I get there, I’m mildly aggravated. I am so happy not to have to work tonight—Andrew is taking tonight, and I have tomorrow night.
My dad’s house is away from downtown, and even though there are still tourists around, it’s much quieter. I pull in his driveway and grab the library books I picked up for him before trekking up his front steps.
“Dad, I’m here,” I call, pulling open his screen door.
“In here!” he calls back from the kitchen.
