And then I take a cold shower.
13
MELANIE
The morning sunlight is streaming through the one window in my room, but I toss and turn—I’m in the blissful place between sleep and wakefulness, and I don’t want to move. Memories of Josh and me flood my mind. My heart constricts and warmth floods throughout my body. I tug a pillow close to my chest, close my eyes, and give in to the memory.
“I don’t want to go to the party,” I whisper to Josh during the last slow song of the prom.
He tugs me closer and twirls me away from his sister and her boyfriend. He dips his head low and murmurs in my ear, “Where do you want to go?” His warm breath lingers on my neck.
In my sleep, my hand finds the spot on my neck where his breath once brushed. A sleepy smile settles across my face as I move deeper into the memory.
“I’m not sure. Not there. My parents are home,” I say, biting my lip and looking up at Josh.
He smiles, dipping his forehead toward mine. “Mine are, too.”
All night we’ve fought the urge to give in to these growing feelings between us. Josh is supposed to be my platonic date set up by Cara, but neither of us wants to ignore the deeper emotions building between us. We’ve kept it a secret for weeks.
“I have an idea,” Josh whispers.
Forty-five minutes later, we’ve changed out of our prom attire and we’re walking up the beach path at Cape May point. Josh has a blanket tucked under his arm with the idea of looking at the stars from the beach with the lighthouse. I’m nervous. The lighthouse has been under construction for the past year—there’s no one around. But I can’t escape the feeling that we’re doing something wrong.
“Don’t be worried. It won’t be too dark. The lighthouse is lit but no one is around. We’re safe out here.” Josh assures me as we settle on the high sand by the dunes. He spreads the blanket out and we sit close together, our legs touching. Josh drapes an arm over my shoulder, and I lean into him. He smells good.
“I had the best time with you,” I murmur, glancing up at him.
“Think we pulled it off? Or are people going to ask if we’re dating?” Josh quirks an eyebrow with a grin.
“If they do, we’ll just deny it.” I shrug.
Josh’s face falls.
“No, I mean—for Cara’s sake. Of course we’re dating.” I say, cupping his face.
Josh kisses me then. It’s tender at first but then he angles his body toward mine, cupping my face and deepening the kiss. He gently tips me back until I’m lying on the blanket and he’s hovering over me. My prom hair is falling out and bobby pins are poking my head, but I don’t care because I’m here with Josh and he’s all I see.
“I’m crazy about you, Melanie,” Josh rasps, gently stroking my cheek.
“I’m crazy about you, too,” I breathe, my voice hitching in my throat.
“I want you,” he murmurs, then quickly, “I mean…if you want to.”
I bite my lip and nod with a shy smile.
“Have you ever…” he pauses, swallowing, “done it before?”
I shake my head earnestly. “No,” I whisper.
“Me neither,” Josh admits.
He moves to my side and lays facing me. I prop myself up on my elbows.
“So, we’d be each other’s firsts,” I say slowly.
“I guess so,” Josh says, pulling my face toward his so our foreheads are touching. “If that’s what you want.”
“I do.” I kiss him, pulling him closer.
