I bark out a laugh. “It was more than a crush. We had a thing going on.” I take a sip of my soda and look anywhere but their dropped jaws. I can’t believe they really had no idea.
“Pshh, you wish.” Chris laughs. “I remember how you ditched us at that party to go home with her drunk ass. Following her like a lost puppy.” He’s joking but he has no idea how right he is. I was crazy about Melanie back then. It took me years to move on from the loss of her. I know she wants to know why I never stayed in touch. I wish I had the answer, but honestly, it’s as simple as I was insecure and stupid. I absolutely should have called and checked on her. I should have made sure she was okay.
I shake my head, plucking a fry from my plate and chewing it while they watch me closely. “No, really,” I say when I swallow. “We were hooking up the whole summer before eleventh grade. No one knew.”
“No shit.” Aaron chuckles, scratching his chin. “Too bad it never worked out.”
“I think Josh made out just fine bagging Kiera Muller.” Chris winks at me. “She’s hot.”
I laugh, shaking my head. “That’s over.” I lean back in my chair, crossing my arms over my chest.
“Dude.” Chris scowls, giving me a look that says he thinks I’m insane. “Why?”
“We want different things,” I say, making air quotes when I saydifferent things. I lift a shoulder, dismissing it. “Trust me, I’m better off.”
Aaron holds up his hands. “All right, all right, hear me out.” He pauses and points an index finger in my direction. “You are single now. Melanie is single now. You’re staying in her house…”
“How do you know she’s single?” I quirk an eyebrow.
“That’s kind of her thing,” Chris interrupts. “She’s always single… I’m not really sure why. She’s still hot with a great body.”
I shove him in the shoulder in jest. “I’m sure your wife would love to hear that,” I growl, but I grin, shaking my head. “I don’t think she forgives me for taking off back then.”
“What? Your parents moved. You were sixteen.” Aaron balks. “You had to.”
I cock my head side to side. “Maybe. But I probably should have done more than just left her a note.”
“Dude!” Chris gapes at me. “Seriously?”
My neck tingles in embarrassment for my sixteen-year-old self. “I was messed up. That’s my only excuse.” I shake my head, hoping to clear the painful memory away.
“Yeah, well, now is your chance to make it right,” Aaron says. “Rachel says fate works in mysterious ways and you should listen to the universe when it’s telling you something.” Rachel is Aaron’s girlfriend. She ismystical,as Aaron likes to say and believes in the healing power of energy and cleansing auras.
“I’ll see, I guess,” I say, still unsure how to prove myself to Melanie again. I’m also unsure of what I’d even hope to get out of repairing our relationship. Maybe the status quo is better since I’m not sure what I could really offer her or what my future looks like.
We call it a night after midnight, and once I drop the guys at their respective houses and creep quietly back into Melanie’s apartment, she’s already gone to bed. I figured she would have, but I can’t push aside my disappointment. I was hoping we could talk. I fill a glass with water and head into the bathroom to brush my teeth, feeling defeated. When I come out, I notice her guitar leaning against the armchair, and the same notebook with our first song open on the ottoman. It’s almost like she was playing our song. She never did text me back. I assumed she was still mad, but maybe she was distracted by the music instead. Something like hope fills my chest as I settle onto the couch to sleep. Maybe she wants to play with me after all.
* * *
By the timethe sun is streaming through the kitchen the next morning, Melanie is already gone. I must have slept like the dead because I didn’t even hear her leave. I pad into the kitchen and see fresh coffee in the pot with a note in handwriting I’d recognize anywhere:
Josh – Working day shift today. Come see me if you’re bored.
My chest pulls tight. I’ve only been here for a few days, but I already can’t imagine leaving again. Actually, that’s not true. A home can be anywhere. It’s Melanie that I can’t imagine leaving again. I can’t believe how long I’ve gone without her in my life. We might’ve left things unsettled, we may evenneedto have it out, but I know one thing’s for sure, I can’t let years go by again without knowing her.
I quickly shower, shave, and get dressed. I take my guitar and notebook out to the small, shared sunroom between apartments and sit down. A melody started to take shape in my head last night as I drove through the back roads on my way home.I mean, back to Melanie’s.I sang it into a voice memo on my phone while I was driving, but now I need to get it down on paper. I don’t know what the words will be yet, but I can hear the tune. I’m humming it and strumming the chord progression—Am, C, G, F. Strum, jot it down, strum some more, jot it down. I reach a place where I should be writing a bridge, but my phone dings in my pocket.
Melanie: Did you get my note? Sorry I missed you, but you looked so peaceful, I didn’t want to wake you.
I smile at her words.Sorry I missed you.“I guess she’s not mad at me,” I say to no one but myself.
I hammer out a reply.
Me: Company for lunch?
Her reply comes rapid fire.
Melanie: Sure. I’d like that.
