“Why were you looking for me?” I ask gently, afraid of pressing too hard on the wound.
Lisa’s eyes fill with tears. I really look at her—her dramatic eye makeup is flawless as always, but underneath, she looks tired. I wrote it off to being a new Mom, or being around our parents so much, but there is obviously something more.
“I left Ryan,” she says finally, the words so quiet I feel them more than hear them. “I’m sure you, Mom, and everyone else will be glad to hear that.”
“I’m never glad that you’re hurting.” I reach out and rub my sister’s arm, trying to put all of my aching love into the motion. From experience I know that one wrong move could make her attack and run.
“He’s a lying cheat. He never wanted to be a Dad. I’m over it. I can’t be in that house with him anymore. I just—I didn’t—I don’t have anywhere else to go.” Lisa chokes on a sob and I feel my chest crack open with hurt, quickly refilling with a lava-like rage as her words sink in.
“I’ll kill him,” I say through gritted teeth.
“Don’t bother. He’s not worth it. Aren’t you going to say ‘I told you so’?” The pain in her eyes makes my legs feel weak.
“Of course not. I would never be happy about this happening to you. That’s Luna’s father.”
“You, and Mom, and everyone else were right. He’s a scumbag. A deadbeat. And I’m the idiot who fell for him anyway. Now everyone will have the chance to gloat. You’re the perfect daughter once again.”
“Lisa, come on. What are you talking about?”
“This is how it’s always been. I’m the fuck up. Just this once I thought you were doing something crazy and that it might takethe attention off me, but I was wrong again. How could I be so stupid?”
“You’re not stupid. Don’t say that. What are you going to do? How can I help?”
“I just want somewhere to go where Luna and I can be alone. I can’t afford my own place and there’s no way I can stay with Mom and Dad any longer. I’m terrified to tell them, they just think we’re on an extended visit during Ryan’s busy work season. But maybe now, with Crocodile Dundee and everything… Maybe I won’t look so bad. Are you really moving to Indonesia?”
Spoken like a true baby sister. I crush her in my arms even when she tries to wriggle away.
I take a deep breath and say what I need to, no matter how conflicted I feel. “I won’t. I’ll stay and help you raise Luna, if that’s what you want.”
“No!” she shouts, pulling out of my arms and looking me in the eyes. “That’s not what I want at all. I’m not trying to ruin your life over my mistake.”
“Loving you and Luna would not ruin my life.”
“Seriously, Junie. Don’t you dare. I just want somewhere to crash for a while. I can’t stay at Mom’s. And I can’t pay for a hotel. Can I just stay with you for a few nights? Just until I figure something else out. I can’t stand to even look at Ryan right now.”
“Of course you can. Let’s head there now. Do you need me to help you pack some stuff?”
“It’s all in the car,” Lisa grimaces. She wipes her eyes on a baby wipe she pulls from her diaper bag. “I was really counting on you saying yes.” She sniffs.
“Yes, a thousand times yes. Let’s get you home.” I pull her out of the chair and scoop up my baby niece, shaking her little fists with a babbling smile.
She lets the whole story spill over takeout, sprawled on my living room floor. Ryan had been the local bad boy. She’d fallen for him when he was still speeding down country roads on his motorcycle and spray painting speed limit signs. They’d moved around every few months, constantly on again off again. Much more than Lisa had ever let on.
“I’m just so tired of being the screw up,” she cries, wiping her eyes repeatedly. Both of our faces are red and puffy with tears. I can’t believe that so much has happened in her life without me having any clue. That she didn’t feel like she could tell me.
I’ve been such a bad sister. How can I abandon her now, when she’s finally reached out a hand for help?
“Juniper Crawford, don’t you dare start pitying me,” she snarls, tossing her pizza crust into the box. “I can see it all over your face and it makes me sick. Luna and I will be just fine. We just need a soft place to land while we figure out our next moves.”
“I know what that’s like,” I sigh, pushing away all my guilt, my worry, and hurt. Lisa is a prickly pain in the ass, but she’s always known how to take care of herself. She told me what she needs in her own words. I have to respect it. “Fine, no pity. Just let me ask this—what’s next? You have to tell Mom and Dad the truth.”
“I will. At dinner on Friday. Just let me have a few days, please.” She lies flat on her back on the floor, spread out like a starfish.
“Take as much time as you need.” I lean over and kiss her forehead before picking myself up and going to my room. I shower and then climb into bed to call Steven, forgetting that he won’t even be home yet. I miss him so much. I wish he was here.
It feels like so much has happened already. How can he be so far away and yet not even there yet? The Gili Islands are too far. The world is too big. I feel tiny and helpless and unmoored.
But when my sister needed help, she called me. That has to count for something.
