The two new dive instructors pull off their snorkels and stand up with big grins, taking a bow or two each.
“Now, what’s the difference in average rate of air consumption between a 10 meter dive, and a 30 meter dive?” I ask with a sadistic grin.
“Uhhh, yes?” Mason smiles awkwardly at the crowd as he wavers on his feet.
“Four! It’s four times higher!” Juliette shouts, pumping her fist in the air victoriously.
“And that’s why women rule the world.” Mike gestures to Juliette who takes another bow. The crowd cheers as we replace the chairs, the show over. I sling my arm around Mason’s shoulder. “Congrats guys. Good on ya! I can’t wait to see you out on your own.”
Junie, Victoria, and Thomas push their way toward us, congratulating the new graduates.
“So what’s next? When are you leaving the island?” Thomas asks.
“Trying to get rid of me already?” Mason punches his arm as the two of them dissolve into a play fight. I wrap my arms around Junie, pulling her warm body close to me. I’m pleasantly buzzed and feeling good. I’m hoping she’ll dance with me soon. I have a few tricks up my sleeve.
“I leave tomorrow,” Juliette pouts. “Very stupid, as I’m sure I will be so hungover, but I couldn’t miss the party.” She gestures around the crowded room. “Thank you for being such a lovely instructor, Steven.”
I feel her goodbye like a punch to the chest but I grin and thank her. “Your help has been invaluable. We’ll miss you out here.”
“I will miss it too. But god,bread! I can almost taste it.”
“Are you going back home?” Junie asks, swaying gently in my arms. I can smell her fruity shampoo in the hairs tickling my nose.
“Yes, I miss my family. And I need to work. It’s been beautiful here in paradise but it’s time to go back to the real world.” She doesn’t mean to, but her words pile up like stones in my gut. In a little over a week, Junie will be leaving too.Back to the real worldwhile I stay here like what? Some sad Peter Pan?
The thought makes me go rigid and suddenly there isn’t enough air.
“Be right back.” I give Junie a squeeze then bolt for the door. Outside, the bustling main street of Gili T is swarmed with bike riders, pedestrians, and horses pulling carts. Sellers hawk theirwares under neon lights, signs boast shroom shakes and buy one get one cocktails, and usually I love all the partying and the noise, but not tonight.
I duck and dodge my way against traffic, pushing past one of the patio restaurants, to finally emerge on the beach. The sand between my toes makes my heart rate calm. I can see the ocean.
The sky is clear overhead, swollen with stars and a bloated white moon. I take a deep breath of the night air and let it out slowly.
What am I doing? I dreamed of sailing the world, but when everything fell apart, I isolated myself here—and never left. Junie talked about living her life on autopilot and I hadn’t even realized that I’d done the same thing. Naomi left, my ship sank, and I gave up on trying anything new. There’s no denying that the Gili islands are a beautiful place to get lost, but that doesn’t explain why I’vestayedlost for so long.
And now she’s leaving. The first person to make me feel at home, to remind me who I am and who I’ve always wanted to be, will go back to her real life. And I’ll stay here. The same as ever. As the world moves on again.
Is this it? For the rest of my life? Me, Mike, and the sea turtles?
“Hey, are you okay? You disappeared.” Her voice plucks me out of the heavens and pulls me back to Earth. I feel like I nearly lost control of myself there. I take another deep breath and pull her into me, ashamed of the ache in my chest and the prickling in the corner of my eyes.
“Yeah, I just needed some air.” I breathe her in, tighten my arms around her, and remind myself that she’s here. She’s real. She’s leaving soon, but we still have right now.
“Do you want some space?” She twists to look into my eyes.
“Not a millimeter.” I cover her lips with mine.
I want to take this woman into my arms and never let her go. My mind reels with the most beautiful parts of the island—all the magical things that keep me grounded here. Maybe I can convince her to sneak away with me for a night dive to see the bioluminescence. She’d look so beautiful swathed in glowing light.
Who am I kidding? She looks perfect now, looking up at me with the stars mirrored in her eyes. My possessive instincts are crying out for me to throw her over my shoulder and steal her away again, but our friends are waiting inside and we might not see them for a while… maybe ever.
Just because I’m terrible at goodbyes doesn’t mean I should keep her from having hers.
“You ready to head back inside?” I ask, leading her away from the shoreline calling us home.
“I’ll go wherever you go.” She smiles and then seems to realize the weight of her words. Her brow pinches into a frown and she opens her mouth to take them back—but I shush her with a finger to her lips.
“I know what you meant.” I replace my finger with my lips until, if the kiss goes on for even a second longer, we’ll never make it back into that bar.
