Forcing myself to portray strength, the hardened exterior I’ve built up for myself over the years disguises how fragile I am, deteriorating beneath the surface.
“Were you… with her?” I grunt and clear my throat, desperately fighting away the emotion. “With… them?”
No detail, or explanation needed. She knows exactly what I mean, because she nods. Tormented by her own awful upbringing.
I’mdesperatefor information, to know where my sister has been, what she’s been doing, and where she could have gone. Butthere’s something else in me, more powerful than the need to find my sister, that’s been driving me for fifteen years. And it’s hungrier.
“Was it him?” I ask, instantly vibrating. “Diablo…” I clear my throat. “The Ivory… Was it him, who had you and my sister?”
Leah’s brows knit. “I don’t know who that is. Granted, I didn’t know many of their names. Or theirrealnames…”
That’s not his real name.
“Trust me, if you’d met him, you’d know.” I rake fingers through my hair, pushing it back and tucking it behind my ear. “So you don’t know where Avianna is?”
“I don’t. I’m really sorry, Angel, I feel just awful.”
She looks remorseful, and now I feel bad. It’s not her fault. She’s been through something deplorable herself. If anything, she’s helping me more than I had expected.
More than any cartel ratas ever could.
“Please, don’t apologize,” I tell her sincerely. “You’ve given me so much just by telling me this. For fifteen years, I didn’t know if my sister was alive, and now I do… Thanks to you.”
She finally lets a small smile through. “Your sister is such a wonderful person. And shelovesyou.” Pressure is building, tears welling like a dam about to burst and flood. “She used to talk about you all the time. Even though she hadn’t seen you since you were both babies, she felt you with her all the time. Physical or not, you twoaretogether.”
My face drops and I gasp a pained breath into my palms. I don’t want to cry in front of a stranger… Idon’twant to let this wall crumble.
I’ve done everything in my power to keep it intact and upright forfifteen years, because I don’t want to beweakever again. But it’s weighing on me… that Istillfeel like him, every damn day.
Still peering through the slats in that closet door, flinching at the gunfire.
Terrified. I’mstill terrified.
Leah gets up and scoots in next to me, wrapping her arms around my waist. She pulls me in close, hugging me as tightly as she can.
That does it.
No holding it back now…
My shoulders shake with silent cries into my hands while my sister’s friend holds me tight…
I just hope that wherever she is, Avianna can feel it too.
Pretending is easy when you don’thaveto. It can even be fun, if you make it into a game, like I do. Feeling like Ihave tobecomes a much more unnerving conversation that I’ve purposely avoided having with everyone in the world, especially myself.
But it’s fine. It behooves me to focus all of my time and energy on a singular cause. I hate to think of what will happen after I kill The Ivory… When I complete my life’s mission and he’s finally dead.
Will I simply fade away, into the shadows? Or will I finally be able to live my life, on my terms?
Why does the latter scare me more than the former?
Nevertheless, the acting is what’s currently giving me the boost of confidence I need to come back to this place. It’s the sort of place that therealAngel Alvarez has never even entertained being… And I wouldn’t have known about it if it weren’t for my sister’s best friend.
The other day, after she consoled me, Leah and I decided we should get out of public and talk, so we went to my hotel. Apparently she still lives under the thumb of the egregious fuckswho kidnapped her when she was twelve, even though she’s now a legal adult.
She spilled her guts to me, aboutallof it…
How they ripped her from her life in Nebraska and sold her into child sex slavery.
