I still remember the shock and mild appall when the Warden told me the newest member of our team was a twenty-one-year-oldgirl. I had to check myself, to make sure my initial reaction wasn’t rooted in misogyny, because John Chevelle is nothing if not a feminist ally. But in truth, I think I was being more ageist than anything.
I remember being twenty-one. Only six years ago, but still. I can’t evenfathombeing on this island back then. If Manuel Blanco had attempted to scoop up twenty-one-year-old me, he would’ve gotten a swift kick to the balls, whether it got me killed or not.
Joy being the only female on an island of dudes with skewed moral compasses and exactly zero access to any other femalesdidmake me nervous at first. But not for her. Forme.
I’m in charge here. There’s no Human Resources department. If any of my men decide to sexually harass this girl,Iwould be stuck dealing with it, and I know me. There would be no write-up process.Velle’s Sexual Harassment Training Classis basically just me making you bleed until you learn to respect women.
But of course, in his infinite wisdom, The Ivory knew exactly what he was doing when he hired Joy. Because she absolutelydoes notneed any man to defend or protect her. She made that abundantly clear on her first day… When she broke Bo’s nose andliterallybody-slammed Vince through the glass coffee table in our living room.
Not even kidding.It was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. I might have fallen in love right then and there.
Kidding. Obviously.
I will say, though, she’s quite the tasty little cupcake as it is. Finding out she could totally kick my ass, and would do so without breaking face? Only made her hotter.
Why does that turn me on so much?
Best not to over-analyze it.
I know what you’re thinking…Velle, weren’t youjusttalking about how you’re not like those other boob-obsessed chauvinists?Yes, yes I was.
But I’m not just attracted to Joy because she’s female. I’m attracted to all variations of genders, though it’s not something I’ve had the opportunity to explore as much as I’d like to yet, not for lack of trying.
I explored my sexuality in college—I know, real original.But for me, it’d been a long time coming. After making a move on my straight best friend in high school turned out to be the worst decision ever, I decided to wait until I was far enough away from where I grew up, and all the Staten Islandy bullshit that reminded me of that painful memory, before I tried it again.
And again… andagain.
Don’t get me wrong, it was hot. I’d been stifling my bi-curious side for far too long, so arriving in a world away from the placethat had been oppressing me felt like being plopped in front of an all-you-can-eat buffet afteryearsof strict portion control.
Still, apparently I had atype, because all of my hottest hookups were with DL dudes. As it does, the novelty wore off real quick, and then it was just exhausting.
I wasn’t even all the way out yet, but that was only because I didn’t have many people in my life I felt it necessary to come out to. My friends knew I was exploring the realm between bi-pan, and I’d told my mom shortly after everything went down with Brett.
I’ve never flaunted my sexuality. I’m just me, and while that works for me ‘cause I’m cool, it was a foreign concept to most of the dudes I sixty-nined at CUNY.
I didn’t blame them or hold it against them. It just bummed me out because at the time, I might have been interested in something more than just the casual… But none of them were anywhere near ready for that.
It’s a crying shame, man. All the best dick is always tucked away in the back of the closet.
Anyway, I suppose I dodged a bullet, because now I’m here on an island miles away from civilization, living my new life as a workaholic. Even if having a personal life were a possibility, which it is not, it’s not a top priority right now.
I am very glad I had those experiences, though. The only people around here are my coworkers-slash-roommates.
Hooking up with someone you live with is a bad idea, we know this. But hooking up with someone you liveandwork with?
You might as well surgically remove my balls right now.
Not that any of the guys are my type, anyway, so all of this just makes for a perpetually boring existence. Which is why I recently decided to broach the subject of leaving the island on occasion with the Warden.
I’d mentioned it once or twice in passing, after our first six months or so of operation, when we finally had enough staff that I could start reducing my own shifts to ten-hour days. He didn’t seem thrilled with the idea at first, but I’ve been slowly wearing him down.
Dealing with stubborn people is an art form, one I consider myself pretty damn good at. Living with an addict for most of your life, you pick up a few things. It’s like parenting, in a way. A healthy combination of subtle relentless badgering and convincing them that what you want will somehow benefit them.
I wonder if The Ivory knows I’m using some of his own tactics on him?
I’m sure he does. That’s the thing about Manuel Blanco… He’s smarter than almost everyone, but he worships chaos.
I finally got him to agree to stationing a lookout in the guard tower, which he wasn’t too keen on when we first started. I’m confident I can get him to agree to the occasional mainland field trip for us guards.
