“It’s nothing about us,” he assures firmly, which allows me to exhale. Until he adds, “I lied to you. About Cameron.”
I can feel how round my eyes are. “What about… Cameron?”
The mound in his throat dips beneath his beautiful, scarred flesh, and he drops his gaze between us. “I told you he was fine. That he was… okay. But he’s not. At least, he wasn’t when Sven found him.”
My heart plummets. “F-found him?”
“He’s alive,” Lem replies quickly, and I breathe, closing my eyes. “But he’s not doing well. Apparently, he’s a sex worker, and suffering from some pretty nasty substance abuse.”
I swallow a lump in my throat.
“And that was last year…” Lem rumbles. “So who knows by now…”
My eyes snap open. “What are you saying? That you think he could be dead??”
“I don’t know, baby,” He pulls me in closer, holding me to his firm body. “What I do know is that I’m so very sorry I lied to you. I just… didn’t want you to worry.”
Yanking out of his hold, I snap, “Oh, so you figured the best time for me to worry was the night before our wedding? When I’m already stressing about one best friend…?”
“Felix, you haven’t known Cameron for a long time,” he uses his doctor voice, and I am inno moodto be psychoanalyzed right now. “Things change. People move on in different directions in life. We can’t control it.”
“Yea, I know that.” I rub my eyes. “What we can control is when we lie to the people we love. And essentially that lie you thought you needed to feed me toprotectme was actually pretty fucking selfish.”
His gaze narrows. “How do you figure?”
“You didn’t lie to protectme!You lied because you didn’t want me worrying about Cameron.” I hiss up at his face, “Because you’re jealous.”
I witness his jaw tic. “That is…” His voice trails when I give him a pointed look that clearly says,are you really about to lie again??He swallows once more. “Fine. So I was a little jealous. I just don’t understand why you need to continue fawning over your childhood crush.”
“Um, hello!” I gasp an incredulous laugh of very little amusement. “I’m a psychopathic murderer! It’s sort of my thing. And don’t even try to act like youdon’tunderstand something about the intricacies of my behaviors,Dr. Love. Because that is obvious bullshit.”
He steps into me, crowding me with his size, and how stiff he is with tension. It throbs below my waist.
“Felix, I’m trying to apologize,” he growls. “I’m sorry that I lied. At the time, I still felt like I needed to protect you from things, but it was stupid.Iwas stupid for thinking you ever needed protecting. You’re a fucking force of nature, baby.” His eyes soften a bit as he cups my face. “I love you… and I know you’ll hack apart anything life throws at you.”
Blinking up at him, I know he’s sincere. I feel his apology in my chest, and I know one stupid white lie isn’t the biggest deal ever.
What worries me is the trust. I don’t want him thinking he has to share my heart with my exes, because he doesn’t. It hasn’t been about them since the moment I first stepped into his office. Cuffed and shackled, a monster in chains who was instantly and detrimentally enamored by his beautiful new doctor.
It hurts that Cam might be suffering, but not because I’m still in love with him. I don’t know that I ever truly was. He was my first crush, and the model on which all of my boyfriends were based. But we were only ever friends. My concern for his well-being is like my concern for Dash. Platonic worry for someone you don’t want to see suffering, knowing they’ve already suffered too much.
“I love you too, Lem,” I sigh. “I just really want to feel like you trust me when I tell you thatyou, and you alone, have my whole heart. It’s been fully yours since the moment we met, baby. You know that… right?”
He nods. But then he hesitates.
And I’m angry all over again.
“You really don’t believe me??” I gasp. “We’re gettingmarriedtomorrow, Lemuel…”
“Of course Ibelieveyou—”
“Doesn’t seem like it,” I scoff, turning away.
“Felix, baby, wait.” He stomps after me.
But I’m already in the bathroom. “Not now!” I slam the door in his face.
“Felix! Please don’t be upset.” He pounds on the door.
