He goes quiet. The silence around us is deafening and it goes on for way too long. So long that it’s become very apparent I’m about to tell him something very bad.
“Just tell me, Diablo,” he sighs.
When I reopen my eyes, I find him blank. He’s shut down.
The only comfort I have is that he’s spinning Ivory’s pendant in his fingers. Like it’s giving him solace in this troubling moment.
“I’m so sorry, pajarito…” I choke up the words. “She’s gone.”
Angel stares. Then blinks.
He looks down at his lap and sniffles.
Then he nods. “Do you know how… it happened?”
“From what I was told, she overdosed. A couple years ago… We only just found out.”
A whimper leaves him, his face falling into his hands.
For all the indications over the years that I’m a heartless, soulless, unfeeling monster, this moment disproves their validity. Because I can feel something inside me breaking. Something deep inside, past the muscle, tissue, organs and blood; a human piece, though not of biology.Metaphysical.
It is comingapartwith empathy for the suffering of this cherished person I think I might…
“My sweet little bird…” I reach for him.
And to my surprise, he comes to me. Climbing onto my lap, he wraps himself around me, tucking his face into the crook of my neck. Body shuddering in pain.
My Angel cries soft tears of devastation, and I just hold him, rocking him for as long as it takes. And it takes many miserable minutes, minutes wherein I wonder how it’s possible thatIcan feel his anguish right now.
How it’s possible that a man who’s caused so much intentional pain could actually want to heal someone; and one of my victims, no less.
“Tell me the truth,” Angel eventually whispers, peeking up at me. “Was my father’s business tied to… the trafficking of children?”
Gulping the lump in my throat, I simply nod.
His glassy eyes close, tears tumbling down his cheeks.
“You shut it down…” He croaks. “When you took over?”
“I did,” I mumble. “But it was too late. It took me too long, and I’m sorry, pajarito, but it was not a selfless act. I waited until I had enough leverage, and respect. I could have shut that shit down immediately…” I swallow. Insecurities I’ve shoved down my whole life digging up to the surface. “Ishouldhave…”
Not fully evil, but definitely not good, I’m just… a regular awful fucking man.
There’s nothing special or different about me.
I’m just like all the rest of them; a callous, egotistical fraud.
“At least you tried.” Angel grasps my face. I shake my head, but he holds me steady. “Youdid. You have a heart, Diablo… I’ve seen it.”
“No…” I grunt. “No, I don’t. Do not give me credit for anything, pajarito.”
“Stop…”
Shoving him onto his back, I’m pinning him in an instant. “Don’t make excuses for me, Angel. Iama monster, and the sooner you get that through your head, the sooner you’ll—”
He cuts me off with his lips on mine. Yanking at my hair, and kissing me rough.
He pushes me until he’s on top, pinningme.
