“In here,” I reply nervously, shooting a look at Dog. “He’s gonna besomad…”
Kemper stomps into the room, all tall and gorgeous and huge, looking every bit like my fucking soulmate. My partner, my protector; the person who’s made it his life’s mission to ease my mind and awaken my body.
And he definitely does those things, with his actions, yes, but also just by existing. Even being in his presence settles me. Like my molecules know it’s all good, so long as Kellan is around.
“I got everything to make your favorite dinner.” He smiles at me, and I return it, wistfully. Naturally, that one look creases his forehead. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing…” I mumble, breaking our eye contact while shifting my weight. “Dog and I were just talking…”
“Is that right?” Kemper blinks. Dog barks at him, staying by my side.
“Baby…” I shake my head. “I think… it’s time.”
Kemper’s face falls, though he doesn’t look surprised in the slightest. He already knows what I’m thinking. Not another word needs to be uttered.
He exhales a long breath. “Dascha…”
“Kellan…”
“It’s not safe,” he grunts firmly. “The Ivory—”
“If The Ivory wanted us, he could’ve gotten us a hundred times by now,” I interrupt pointedly.
“Believe it or not, that isn’t a comfort.” He rubs his eyes.
“Kel,” I put on my sweetest tone, easing up to him. “What if they need our help? I won’t be able to live with myself…”
“You’re not just talking about taking a trip to New York, Dascha!” He gripes. “Heownsthat island. He’ll see us coming from a mile away, and I willnotput you in danger. Over my dead fucking body.”
For some reason, even just hearing those words kicks a bolt of fear up my spine. But it’s not the only negative emotion I’m feeling right now…
“It’s all my fault…” I mumble barely audibly as I wring my shaky hands.
“What?” He grunts.
“This is all my fault, Kellan!” I bark. So does Sobaka. “I started all of this shit when I escaped, don’t you get that?? If I’d never broken out thinking I was… leaving with you…” I pause to gulp. His eyes soften and sparkle. “Velle wouldn’t have had it out with The Ivory, and he wouldn’t have felt the need to retaliate to protect his goddamn ego!”
Kemper is quiet for a moment before murmuring, “That’s not why Velle had it out with The Ivory…” My head cocks. “Something happened with Velle’s mom… But it was a long time coming with those two. Trust me.” He places his bag of groceries on the floor and takes my hands. “Dascha, hear me when I tell you that this is notyourfault. It’s no one’s fault but his. Itwas inevitable, honestly. This is his thing… Power, yes, but even more, the fight for it. The tactical warfare, the bloody battles… It’s what makes Manuel BlancoThe Ivory, and he’ll find a way to get it. No matter what.”
I feel weighed down by a hundred pounds of hopelessness.
But then I remember what my doctor always says…
Carry it. The weight of your mental illness… The longer you do, the stronger you get.
Until it doesn’t feel so heavy anymore.
Squaring my shoulders, I look my fiancé, the love of my life, dead in his deep blue eyes. “All the more reason to go… and fight. For them,andfor us.” I cup his jaw in my hand. “Baby, I don’t want to spend the rest of our lives looking over our shoulders, waiting for the day when he’s bored or some shit, and decides to come for us. I don’t want to put either of us in danger either, Kel, but isn’t it better to get ahead of it? Show up on our own terms, rather than cuffed and blindfolded in the back of an SUV?”
The look on his face reflects so many things. Worry, fear, frustration. But also wonder…
I think sometimes he forgets how real my time in Alabaster Pen was. It’s turned into such an illusion in our minds over the last year… A story, more than something that actually happened.
And it did. Not all of it, not the way I remember it… But the rest.
That I was strong enough not only to survive Alabaster Pen, but overcome it, I know he knows what that means.
I can do this. And with him by my side, I think we’re as close to unstoppable as it gets.
