I nod as we waltz inside inconspicuously, hand-in-hand. I nod at the guy at the security desk who’s barely paying attention, bringing Ren to the large spiral staircase that leads up to the library.
“They never check I.D.’s,” I whisper. “And they’re open twenty-four hours during the week.”
Ren looks baffled. “A library open twenty-four hours??”
“Dude, this is Berkeley,” I chuckle. “Kids move into the library during mid-terms.”
Ren growls, leaning on me, kissing my neck while we walk. “Mmm…tutorme, sweet boy.”
I’m stifling my laughter, trying to keep myself at least mildly composed until we’re out of view of people. It’s pretty dead right now, but the place isn’t empty. Still, I know where we can go… To get some privacy.
I’ll admit, I’ve thought about this a lot over the years. Pretty much since the moment I met Ren. I used to think about itbefore too, back when I actually attended this university. But it was always an abstract idea, one that made me sort of nervous.
Knowing I might want to come here with someone, therightsomeone.
It’s sort of crazy to think about how meeting Ren flipped a switch in me. I went from feeling so uncertain about all aspects of love, sex and relationships to being desperate for it all, withhim.
I think I’ve accepted some level of demisexuality, but it’s still confusing. Mainly becausenowI’m goddamn insatiable and it’s hard to remember a time when I wasn’t constantly craving his body, under me, on top of me, around me, inside me. I’m addicted, the same way he is, I’m just much more controlled with my urges.
Let’s face it, impulse control isn’t one of Warren Xavier’s strong suits.
Still, being here now brings a lot of those confusing memories rushing back. Like the first time I found this place…
My face is flushed as I walk my frisky fiancé down the aisle of the library, to the psychology section. Remembering that time, during my freshman year…
It was only my second time ever coming to the library, and I didn’t know where anything was. I was sixteen, younger than most of the other students, quiet, insecure and feeling pretty out of place.
College wassodifferent from high school, and I thought I would like it better, since I hated high school. But it turned out being a freaking guppy dropped into Lake Michigan wasn’t all that comfortable either.
I needed a book for my computer calculations class, but I was in the psychology section for some reason. Wandering aimlessly, plucking books off the shelf and stuffing them back in, I was slowed by a noise. When I peeked through the shelf, I frozecompletely. Like a statue holding Carl Jung’sModern Man in Search of a Soul, eyes damn near bugging out of my skull.
There were people on the other side of the shelf…making out. Really going at it, too; feeling each other up against the opposite shelf. The sounds of suction, little pants, and grunts weren’t loud enough to make it past this secluded area of the library, but still.Icould hear them. And see them.
Two guys, both tall, both… built. Broad shoulders and big hands, ravenous mouths and testosterone-fueled hunger I could almost feel myself, through them.
I’d never seen those guys before. I didn’t know them, not that it would matter. I was instantly flushed and shaking. Sweating all over, hot and itchy beneath my clothes, my heart racing so fast, I feared they would hear it.
The way my stomach clenched freaked me out, and I shoved the book back into its spot, turning and fleeing for my life. I was practically running to the restroom, stumbling into a stall. Locked securely inside, I could breathe again, though it was then that I realized my dick wasthrobbing.
I eventually calmed down and talked myself into leaving the bathroom, after many minutes of raging anxiety and waiting for my confusing erection to deflate. And over the hours of obsessing that followed, I realized that my curiosity was less about them being guys, and more about me wondering how it would feel to do that… What they were doing.
Being so swept up in lust for someone that you couldn’tpossiblynot kiss them in that moment, hard and hungry, in a barely private area of the library.
The nostalgia of that confusingly eye-opening moment swarms my brain as I bring Ren to that same spot. The place I used to imagine bringing someone… The place where I alwaysknewI wanted to bring Ren.
In the beginning, I fought it. But then he kissed me, that time in my cell… And I felt the same confusing butterflies in my gut that I felt when I saw those guys making out in here.
I’d finally found the person I wanted to try it with.
No one else had ever given me that urgent sensation. Buthedid, right away. It still took me a while to wrap my head around it, mainly because he was such a maniac. When he hurt me, I resented that I’d only ever felt this way for him, but even after we got past that, and we fell in love, I knew it would never matter.
We were stuck in Alabaster Penitentiaryforever. I would never get the chance to bring him to this private spot in the library at Berkeley.
But then it hit me, when he took my virginity. It was never about the place at all… It’s abouthim. As it turned out,everywherewith Warren Xavier was an illustrious place for us to maul each other.
And would you look at that? We got out, and now here we are…
Tugging him in between the shelves, I grasp his jaw and kiss him fast, but deep. Ravenous, because I am. I’m always insatiable for Warren Xavier.
