Jonathan is still fighting to become the hero, but my pajarito…
He’s desperate to be the villain.
I’ll be the first to endorse the idea that holding grudges does very little for your mental state. That said, if you’re looking for something to drive you forward in furious determination, vengeancecanbe an extremely powerful motivator.
A notion not lost on most inhabitants of this island.
The Ivory is obviously a prime target for revenge. Especially if you consider him responsible for all the atrocities that have happened here, which most of us do.
Despite everything that’s happened in the last few months—more specifically in the last week—I don’t consider Manuel Blanco to beevil. Because, like I told Trevel, real evil doesn’t exist. It’s an excuse; something people use to justify the heinous behavior of others.
Being highly attuned to the human mind, I know the truth. The Ivory is just a man, like so many others, who discovered the unprecedented high ofpower. And now, like any functioning addict, everything he does is in service of getting his next fix. Making sure he never comes down, because the reality he must face as Manuel Blanco is unbearable to even think about.
I won’t lie, I’ve been so focused on my own revenge lately, I hadn’t even consideredTrevel’scoming to a head. Don’t get mewrong, I knew he was pissed. I’ve felt it in our every interaction since he arrived in Alabaster Penitentiary. He was going to play as many games as he felt necessary to get himself some semblance of control back.
I guess I just didn’t think he would act on it in such agrandioseway.
That was my first mistake. Underestimating him; his fury and his ability to make vengeance his entire personality. I’ve known Trevel Fenwick a long time, and now I feel stupid for ever considering that hewouldn’tdo something gratuitous like kidnapping me and my fiancé.
And my second, and probablybigger, mistake was not paying closer attention to Manuel Blanco.
I knew that if he found out I was talking to Velle after their falling out, he would see it as a betrayal. And I could have done a lot more to at leastpretendI wanted to remain in his good graces. But I just…couldn’t.
I couldn’t bring myself to kiss his ass, and act like I wasn’t raging inside every time I thought about what he’d done. What he’dallowedto happen to Felix the moment I stepped away from this island.
I’ve never been one to bend the knee. Call it a stubborn streak; likely something that’s triggered by memories of my parents insisting that I keep my mouth shut andmove onfrom the terrible things they wanted to pretend never happened. Manuel’s insistence that I remain loyal to him, despite his putting that fuck Templeton in charge of Felix, knowing full-well that he was a disgusting, deplorable little man, rubbed me wrong. And it wasn’t going to happen.
I get on my knees for only one person. And he’s theonlything that matters to me anymore.
Felix is my reason for living. So long as he’s here, I’ll be here.If The Ivory wants to torture me for the rest of my life over that, then so be it.
Self-awareness isn’t always the best. Being a realist usually means a level of cynicism, and because I’ve never been one to delight in blissful ignorance, I knew from the moment Trevel took me and Felix hostage that Manuel Blanco would do his worst. To prove that he’s in charge, and he won’t settle for me shitting all over hisrulesfor one more second.
In all honesty, he’s justified. I’m a reasonable person, and I realize that I’ve been doing whatever I want on this island since pretty much the moment I got here. I mean, even after he warned me to keep Felix in the prison, Istillkept bringing him back to the mansion with me.
We’ve been untouchable for months, living in our bubble of blissful new relationship delusions. But I’mnotdelusional—not really. I knew the other shoe would drop eventually. You can only poke the beast for so long before it chomps your goddamn arm off.
I was just hoping that when all of this blatantly overconfident behavior came back to bite me, I’d have the comfort of knowing Velle’s plan would work.
Butnow, I’ve been chained in the basement for a week, having the limits of my tolerance for anguish tested. I have no idea what’s going on outside of here. I don’t know where the love of my life is, or if he’s okay…
All I can do is endure it, like he did. Because if there’s even the slightest chance that he can, Iknowhe’ll come for me.
I’ve experienced limitless doubt since I came to Alabaster Isle. But the one thing I understand with full certainty is that the depths of Felix Darcey’s depravity know no bounds, and his obsessive love is even fiercer.
If it takes him years, hewillbe back for me.
Not being able to smash these motherfuckers in the face is a much worse punishment than the waterboarding, starvation, and hot pokers they’ve been using on me. Because every moment I’m near them, all I can think about is what my man went through because of them.
Johansson attempted to talk to me, shortly after I was collared and brought down to the tombs. Before the torture started, when I was just a prisoner, being forced to help them treat victims of the war that’s been raging outside since the prison fell.
“I hope you know… I had nothing to do with what Dr. Templeton…” His voice wavered, likely when he saw howthoroughlyI was glaring at him. “His actions were his own. I can’t speak to Dr. Hassan’s involvement…”
My teeth were practically crumbling to little pebbles of enamel in my mouth.
“We are researchers of the mind. I know you don’t see it, Doctor, but I assure you, I wouldn’t have signed off on that type of—”
“Sexual assault?” I growled, damningly quiet.
