“Yes. I told you it wasn’t a hard limit, just a temporary boundary. I trust you. And I have my latest results on my phone, since CNC and condoms don’t really mix.” Aaron winced at the words as they left his mouth, realizing how they sounded. “I didn’t mean it like that. Of course we can use condoms if you prefer. Safety is really important. I just meant…if you’re interested, I have my results.”
Jay nudged a plate of olives out of the way and leaned forward on his elbows. “I have some concerns about safety. Not condom safety.” He grinned at Aaron. “I’m fine with that part. But duct tape isn’t great for restraints. It’s difficult to remove quickly in an emergency. I’d rather go with rope.” He hummed in thought. “I’m definitely not taping your mouth and closing off an airway.Maybe a cloth gag, like a bandana? You’d be able to breathe but not talk.”
Aaron nodded along with Jay’s musings, waiting for the other shoe to drop. From the carefully measured tone of his voice, it was obvious that Jay was working up to an objection.
“I need you to understand that there’s nothing wrong with what you’re asking for. It sounds really hot, and we can workshop the details to make sure you’re safe.”
“But?”
“But…” Jay hesitated. “A scene like that requires a lot of trust, for both of us. We’ve only played a few times. You’re still new to this dynamic, and I’ve never done anything that intense. Maybe we can build up to it. I don’t want to ruin your fantasy by rushing into it.”
Something in Aaron softened. Jay cared about him. Cared about his safety, both physical and emotional. While a part of him wanted to convince Jay that he was ready, this wasn’t just about him. Jay seemed anxious about crossing the invisible boundary, and Aaron knew better than to push this sweet, sensitive man into something he wasn’t ready for.
“Makes sense.” Aaron nodded and picked up a stuffed mushroom. “For the record, I do trust you. But I get it.”
Jay seemed relieved Aaron didn’t argue with him. He quickly changed the subject, and they spent the rest of the dinner talking about other zoos they’d visited around the country, which snowballed into an in-depth discussion of all the places they hoped to visit one day.
Aaron decided not to overthink Jay’s decision. His caution made sense. While Aaron cared deeply for Jay, ready to rush in headfirst and break down every boundary, Jay didn’t know that. Aaron would have to either open up or wait for the natural progression of their relationship to bring Jay’s walls down.
And Aaron wasn’t ready to open up. Not yet. Prepared as he was for the potential rejection, he wanted to keep living in a world where anything was possible. As long as he kept his feelings to himself, the possibility that Jay could love him back still existed.
They parted ways in the parking lot. He kissed Jay’s cheek as they said goodbye, and a brief flicker of emotion crossed Jay’s face, gone before Aaron could place it. As always, Jay offered him a ride, but Aaron craved the quiet solitude of the short walk home.
Warm evening air settled around him as he strolled past colorful storefronts, glancing at the window displays with curiosity. The L train passed in the distance, its rumble a near-constant presence in the city. The scent of something rich and garlicky intensified as he approached an outdoor patio filled with conversation and laughter that spilled onto the sidewalk.
A vivid scenario flashed in Aaron’s mind—sitting across from Jay at a cozy table, a glass of red wine in his hand, soft music in the background. Relaxing after a long week of work, then going home together and waking up in the same bed.
He’d never craved anything so much.
Chapter 30
JAY
Jasmine opened the door, her eyes wide with surprise. The reaction made sense—it was nine at night, and Jay had shown up unannounced. He should have gone home after his dinner with Aaron, but his mind was a blur—thoughts racing, their conversation playing on loop, doubts creeping in. After driving around aimlessly for a while, he knew he needed to talk to someone.
“Are you okay?” Jasmine scanned him with a concerned frown.
“Can we talk?” Jay gave her a pleading look, and she ushered him inside.
“Come on. The kids are in their rooms, so be quiet. If they find out you’re here, it’ll be chaos.”
He followed her through the house, pausing to greet Jasper, who was too distracted by his video game to ask any questions. Jasmine stayed quiet until they got to the half-finished basement. The concrete walls were bare and the floor unfinished, but the warm glow of a single lamp and the quiet hum of the pipes made it feel like a secret hideaway. The couch and armchair looked familiar—they sat in the living room for years before Jasmine and Jasper had decided to upgrade to the giant sectional.
Jay had barely reached the bottom step before Jasmine whirled around.
“Are you in trouble? Do you need money?”
“What?” Jay reared back. “Hold up, that’s your first instinct when I come for a visit? What is it—do I have a drug problem, or do I owe the mob for gambling debts?”
“Okay, okay, I’m sorry.” With a sigh, she lowered herself onto the worn couch cushions. “Jasper and I have been watching this new show, and I’m seeing cartels everywhere now.”
Despite his indignation, Jay couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re ridiculous.”
“I know. Let’s start over. What’s up?”
Jay settled beside her, taking a moment to think of what to say. Despite coming here to talk, he wasn’t sure how to articulate everything he was feeling.
Might as well be honest.
