Right. Aaron was experiencing everything for the first time. He didn’t have a point of comparison for what they were doing. In Jay’s experience, the moments immediately after the scene were serious, subdued—a time to care for the sub, to make sure they were physically and emotionally okay. The kind of sweet post-scene intimacy he’d been enjoying with Aaron seemed reserved for established couples, not casual hookups.
Not that there was anything casual about his feelings for Aaron.
“It’s different for everyone,” Jay hedged. It wasn’t a lie. Itwasdifferent.
Aaronwas different.
“I should go,” Aaron said after another few minutes. “I still have some things to do for work, and I have to get up early to get Mark and Rachel from the airport.”
“Are you looking forward to seeing them?”
Aaron rolled his neck. “I guess? I just saw them last month, so it’s not like I miss them yet. But I’m really excited to do all the touristy things I haven’t done yet. I heard the zoo just got a baby elephant, and I can’t wait to see it.”
“Sounds like fun.” Jay paused. “When will I see you again?”
“Probably not until they leave.” Aaron offered a sheepish grin. “Between entertaining them and staying caught up on work, I’ll barely have time to sleep.”
Jay wished he had any kind of claim on Aaron’s time, but all he could do was nod in agreement and hold Aaron in his arms for as long as he could.
He watched him get up and get dressed, wishing he could walk up and claim his mouth in a kiss. He’d never disrespect Aaron’s limits, but the desire was so powerful, he had to look away.
There were so many things he couldn’t do.
He wished he could tell Aaron how much he’d enjoyed their time together, but he couldn’t find the words.
He wished he could ask Aaron out on a date, turn their physical arrangement into a romantic one, but he couldn’t find the courage.
And as the door closed behind Aaron, Jay wished he could be content with what they had—the friendship, the sex.
But he couldn’t.
It wasn’t enough.
Chapter 23
AARON
“Yes, I understand. I’ll be there by the time it starts.” Aaron hung up and walked over to the bench where Mark and Rachel sat while waiting for him to get off the phone.
“Are you done being completely irreplaceable? Can we go look at some penguins now?” Mark whined. Rachel narrowed her eyes at Aaron, picking up on his shifted mood.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
“I have to go in. Fuck! I gave them the slides with everything they need, but they decided I have to be there after all.” Aaron dragged his hands down his face, resignation slowly replacing every other emotion. It was irony at its finest—he had to go in for a presentation on employee morale while his own was at an all-time low.
“They can’t do that!” Rachel exclaimed. “You took the day off.”
“Not anymore.” Aaron jabbed his finger at his phone screen as he ordered a rideshare, trying to take out his frustrations on the unyielding plastic.
“Do you want us to go with you? We can come back another day.”
Aaron shook his head. “No, that doesn’t make sense. You’re already here, we paid for the tickets, so you might as well go ahead and enjoy yourself. Send me some pictures of cute baby animals.”
They tried to argue, but Aaron wouldn’t hear it. His morning was already ruined, but that was no reason to bring Mark and Rachel down with him. He cast an envious glance at them strolling toward the brightly colored zoo map, then headed to the exit to meet his ride.
By the time he arrived at work, he’d managed to calm down enough to avoid scowling at everyone who crossed his path. With a few minutes to spare before the meeting, he ducked into his office to put on the emergency suit he kept hanging on the door, a charcoal black that matched his mood.
After changing, he stepped out into the hall and bumped into Zoe.
