“Not really,” Kenny gave him a shy smile. “I was waiting for you.”
“Oh, sure. What’s up?”
“Can we…” Kenny gestured to the corner with the vending machines and tables. Jay followed him, curious to hear what he had to say. Kenny was a sweet guy, and they’d had a brief fling a couple of years ago—a lukewarm relationship devoid of any tension or passion that ended without any need for a breakup conversation. Sure, the sex had been great, but outside of that, they were two agreeable, indecisive people who didn’t quite know what to do with one another.
Despite staying on friendly terms, they rarely spent time together, and their occasional chats at the gym stayed on the surface. Jay couldn’t think of a reason why Kenny would pull him away for a private conversation with such a serious expression on his face.
Kenny led the way to the vending machine and turned to Jay with a sheepish expression. “This is really stupid, but…” He paused for a deep breath. “I’m getting married. I just wanted you to hear it from me.”
“Congratulations!” Jay swept him into a hug. “That’s great news.”
Kenny was smiling when they pulled apart, the earlier tension gone from his face. “I wasn’t sure if you’d be upset.”
“Why? You and Rick are great together.” Jay had met Kenny’s boyfriend, now fiancé, a couple of times when he’d come to the gym. He seemed like a genuinely good guy, and the aura of competence he projected made him perfect for Kenny, who needed someone to take charge.
“I don’t know.” Kenny shrugged. “It’s not like you were in love with me, but sometimes people get weird.”
“I’m really glad for you, Kenny.” Jay clapped him on the back and smiled. “You deserve happiness.”
To be polite, Jay asked about the proposal and made small talk for a few minutes before coming up with an excuse to leave. When Kenny crossed the gym to climb on a treadmill, Jay beelined for the locker room. The exchange had thrown him off-kilter, and he needed to be alone to work through whatever was making him feel this way.
At home, he took a long, hot shower before sprawling out on his bed. He still had to eat dinner and get dressed before heading out, but not moving sounded more appealing, so he decided to waste some time on social media.
He scrolled without really looking until he saw Layla’s post of his nephews enjoying a day at the zoo. The boys grinned into the camera while a tiger napped in the background, and Jay chuckled. He knew from experience how difficult it was to get them to stand still for a picture.
Come to think of it, it’d been a while since he babysat for his older sister so she could have some alone time with her husband. Maybe next weekend.
The soft smile lingered on his face until he stumbled onto a picture of Kenny, wrapped up in Rick’s arms. His outstretchedhand showed off the ring on his finger. Jay tossed the phone aside with a groan and closed his eyes.
He didn’t begrudge Kenny his happily ever after, but he was jealous. Not of Rick—Jay had zero desire to reconnect with Kenny—but of what Kenny and Rick had found together.
Jay had always wanted a partner and a family, the same steadfast love his parents and sisters were lucky enough to find. And now Kenny was getting married while Jay was still single, no closer to his dream. It wasn’t for the lack of trying. Jay had dated men and women from all walks of life, enthusiastically throwing himself into each relationship, always hoping it would be the one.
But none of them had lasted longer than a few months.
The problem was obvious. It was him. His personality. When it came to sex, he was confident and dominant, and it was easy to find people to hook up with, especially once he’d discovered the BDSM scene. The trouble always came afterward. His partners were inevitably disappointed to find that his dominance began and ended with sex. The day-to-day Jay was the polar opposite of a stereotypical Dom. His family and coworkers described him as easygoing and agreeable, but many of his exes weren’t as tactful, calling him indecisive and boring before breaking things off.
It shouldn’t have been an issue. There was no rule that Doms had to be confident or domineering outside of scenes, and Jay knew that. Yet not a single person he’d dated was content with what Jay had to offer.
That was the real reason he’d joined Chain Reaction. A new club where nobody knew him, where people whose desires matched his own were neatly color-coded and presented to him on a platter, where there was no pressure, no expectations, no condemnation—a perfect place to find a partner.
So why was it, with all the interested looks and coy insinuations, that Jay hadn’t hooked up with a single person since joining? Why hadn’t the red bracelet left his wrist? All he’d done so far was smile, make friends, and lurk around the viewing rooms, eyeing established couples with envy and wonder.
He dragged himself off the bed and into the kitchen, throwing together a sandwich despite not being hungry. He needed sustenance to get him through another disappointing night of searching for Aaron. After donning his usual outfit of a plain black tee and dark jeans, he drove to the club with the music blaring out of his speakers, drowning out all thoughts.
The doors had opened less than half an hour ago, but the space was already full. Eager people in leather and latex milled around, setting up future playtime or looking for scene partners, smiling and raising their eyebrows as Jay walked past. He ignored them, making a half-hearted lap around the club, not surprised that Aaron wasn’t there.
Feeling suddenly exhausted, he collapsed on their couch and watched the couples walking by. Even outside of scenes, it was easy to tell who wore the black bracelet. The Doms seemed to be in charge of every situation, steering through the crowd to keep their partners from being jostled, ordering drinks without being asked. Always with their hands planted somewhere on their sub, establishing a subtle yet unmistakable authority.
Jay couldn’t do that. How could he expect someone to submit to him in bed and then turn around and take care of him in all other aspects of life? And Jay desperately wanted someone to do just that, to wrap him up in a warm cocoon and take away the need to make decisions.
Frustrated, he closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the couch. A pang of bittersweet melancholy ricocheted through his chest, a longing for a future that was just out of reach. He wished for love. A connection he could build on. A loveso powerful, it would overcome the impossible obstacles and bathe his life in light and happiness.
He was lost in the daydream when the couch dipped beside him, moments before a familiar voice reached his ears.
“Hey, stranger.”
Chapter 3
