“And—” Aaron raised his voice and tapped Jay’s lips to get him to stop talking. “—I told you not to hold back, right?”
Jay nodded.
“Every time you hesitated, I encouraged you to keep going. I had plenty of opportunities to safeword or tap out. Right?”
“Right,” Jay said, breaking eye contact. “But it’s my responsibility to worry.”
“Jay, I’m a grown man. I’m capable of speaking up for myself. I know what I want, and I wanted every fucking glorious, filthy second of what happened between us.”
A ghost of a smile touched Jay’s lips as tension drained from his stiff shoulders. “It was fucking glorious, wasn’t it?”
“There you go.” Aaron lightly punched him in the shoulder. “Bask in the afterglow of a job well done.”
“You know, I expected you to be all soft and blissed out for a while, not reading me the riot act within ten minutes,” Jay said.
“Yeah, well.” Aaron shrugged and cuddled up to Jay, resting his head on the broad chest. Any other time, this move would be too forward, but they were still in aftercare mode, and Jay needed more than just words. “I don’t like to see you frown. And I need you to understand where I’m coming from so we can skip all this self-doubt business next time.”
The soothing rhythm of Jay’s heartbeat picked up, making Aaron wonder if he was back to worrying about the scene. Except they’d already talked through that, and Jay seemed to accept Aaron’s reassurance. So why was his breathing suddenly so shallow and erratic?
A slow, sinking sensation lurched in Aaron’s stomach as he replayed their conversation in his mind. He hadn’t meant to imply they would have another scene in the future—the wordshad just slipped out—but both of them enjoyed themselves. Why wouldn’t there be a repeat?
He lifted his head to look at Jay. “Wearedoing this again, right?”
Unnaturally still, Jay stared straight ahead without saying a word. A pang of disappointment echoed through Aaron. Jay probably didn’t do repeats. Or maybe he didn’t enjoy himself as much as he’d said.
After waiting for Jay to meet his gaze, Aaron gave up and rested his cheek against Jay’s shoulder, determined to hold on to the fleeting touch. “Never mind.”
Trying to ignore the bitter ache in his chest, Aaron focused on the positive. His first scene. He’d anticipated it for so long—the big moment when all the research, all the theory, all the fantasies gave way to the real deal. His biggest worry—making himself vulnerable to a stranger—turned out to be unnecessary. Jay was easy to trust.
So why couldn’t they do this again?
He pushed away and sat up straight, facing Jay, who hadn’t moved a muscle, his eyes still fixed on the empty space in front of him. Aaron poked his bicep to get his attention, determined to get answers. “You know what? No. Not never mind. Why don’t you want to do this again? It doesn’t make any sense, unless you lied about having a good time.”
Jay whipped his head around, eyes stormy and wide with confusion. “What? Of course I didn’t lie. I just…” He blew out a breath. “I don’t want you to make decisions while you’re still feeling the aftereffects. What if you wake up tomorrow and realize the whole thing was an impulsive mistake?”
This man. Aaron was an overthinker, but Jay took it to the next level.
“You just accused me of not having any aftereffects! Also, if I wake up tomorrow thinking this was a mistake, which I willnot,because this was the highlight of my year, but even if I did, you know what I would do? I would text you aNever mind. What do you think, I’m gonna feel too awkward to say I changed my mind? Have you met me?”
“When you put it that way, it sounds ridiculous.” Jay chuckled. The stormy depths of his eyes had calmed, his boyish smile as irresistible as ever.
“Exactly.” Aaron stood and stretched his arms. His body and mind were back to being in sync, and he needed to get home before he fell asleep right there in Jay’s arms.
Jay jumped up to follow. “Are you okay to drive?”
“I took a Lyft.”
“Dressed like that?” Jay’s voice pitched up as his hand flew up in shock, and Aaron couldn’t help giggling at the scandalized reaction.
“Chill out, dad, I wore a trench coat.”
“Aaron? I know you’re a grown man and all, but I’d feel so much better if you let me drive you home.”
Aaron was about to make another joke, but something in Jay’s voice stopped him. He seemed seriously concerned about Aaron’s safety.
In all honesty, it made sense to take Jay up on his offer. Aaron was tired, barely dressed, and still coming down from the haze. Having made up his mind, he hooked an arm around Jay’s elbow and pointed the other hand straight ahead. “To the coat check and beyond!”
Jay snorted in amusement, the nerd that he was. Just the way Aaron liked them.
