Her eyes zero in on my left finger for the second time in two days. “I— You…” She schools her features. “I’m so glad you’re here. Can I get you a coffee?” She scurries past me, but I tag her gently by the shoulders and pull her in for a hug. She immediately melts.
“I don’t want coffee, Mom. I just wanted to see you and check on you. It’s been a minute, you know?”
She sniffles as she nods against my motorcycle jacket. That can’t be comfortable.
“Since you didn’t answer me last time… How are you?” I ask, pulling back to look down into her eyes.
She waves a hand in front of her face, miming a circle. “Aside from my son making me cry, I’m fine. I should be asking you the same question. You never come here. What’s going on?”
I suck in a huge breath and let it go on a sigh. “I wanted to see you. I needed to make sure you were okay. There’s a lot going on.”
“I’m not happy with all that, you know?”
“Well, that makes all of us.”
“We could’ve kept it in the family.”
I shake my head. “We did that for decades. Ayla is worth more than sweeping it under the rug. So is Ci.”
“I know.” Her voice is small. “It’s just— No. Let’s not discuss it. I’m trying to respect your boundaries even though I’m your mom and I’ll always want to be more involved than you three want.”
“We want you involved. All of us.” She hears what I don’t say. She’s welcome. Our father is not.
Gingerly, she lifts my left hand where the ink swirls across the top, over the top knuckles of my fingers, until the black silicone band is laid out between us. “You’re married?” Her voice breaks on the word. “And I haven’t met your wife. Will you tell me about her?”
We sit and I tell her what I can about Lorien. I omit that until she ripped me to shreds this morning, I wanted to fight to never let her go. My heart still tells me to do the same.
My head, though… Well, it knows a losing battle when it hears one.
Mom doesn’t need to know about the contract arranging for us to protect each other and to dissolve once we’re out of the woods. She would never not have that in the back of her mind or on the tip of her tongue. And I can’t afford for my father to figure anything out either. In fact…
“I hate to say this, Mom, but I need you not to tell Dad.” I hate using that word. It’s like eating knives to say it. But calling him Seamus or anything similar will spin my mom out into thinking less clearly and I don’t have the luxury of a slip up.
“Why?”
“I’m trusting you.” I emphasize the word. “He isn’t in my life and doesn’t get access to those details. Help me to keep you in the circle of trust.” I sound like I’m quoting movie lines now.
“But…”
“No buts. It’s not a test, but it will be the last thing I share with you if you choose not to respect me.”
Her wheels are spinning. “Your wife? Your kids?”
“Everything. If you’d like to meet Lorien, I’ll arrange it, but Dad never knows.”
“…But Dad never knows,” she whispers to herself, and gnaws the inside of her lip. “You know I made a vow, don’t you, Liam?In sickness and health. Well, he’s getting the short end of that stick.In good times and bad. I drew the short straw there.” Her eyes plead with me.
“Forsaking all others. I made the same, Mom.” I add quietly, “I really don’t want to forsake you. Please help me keep you.”
Tears roll down her cheeks, but she bobs her head quickly twice.
Soon, maybe it won’t matter. I suspect he’ll be in jail. If not for the criminal case brought by the state of Colorado, then in the civil suit Sherman will file on behalf of Christian and Ayla.
I rub the spot in the center of my chest. I hope that’s why andnot because, by that time, Lorien will be my ex-wife, with whom I shared a legal bond, some amazing sex, and a black cat named Poe.
Pulling the throttle, I accelerate around the curve, thinking about something my mom didn’t even know she said. She took vows. For richer or poorer, in sickness and health, in good times and bad.
I didn’t. But the forsaking all others part that I offered is stuck rattling around my heart. Just as thefalling in love with youpart plays Pong in my brain.
