“I’m not accusing. I’m asking.”
“It sounds like accusing.”
“Well, what was I supposed to think? I show up, and you’re sitting there with some other guy touching you. Looking at you like you belong to him.”
She shakes her head. “I don’t belong to him. Or anyone. He showed up while I was studying. Started hitting on me. Big deal.”
“It is a big deal. You’re with me.”
She throws her hands in the air. “Am I? Instead of saying something, instead of fighting for me, you just walked away.” Tears are streaming down her face now. “You threw away the coffee and left. Like I wasn’t worth the effort.”
“I thought you were moving on.”
“I thought you didn’t care!”
“I care!” The words explode out of me. “I care so much it’s destroying me! I can’t sleep. I can’t play. I can’t think about anything except how badly I screwed this up!”
“Then why didn’t you say something?”
“Because—” I pause. Because I’ve never had to fight for a woman’s love and attention? That would definitely not come out right.
I take a deep breath. “Because I didn’t want to make things harder on you. It’s not fair to you.”
“Fair?” She laughs bitterly. “You want to talk about fair? You made me fall in love with you again. You promised me no more secrets. You begged me to trust you. And the entire time, you were planning your exit!”
“I wasn’t planning anything! I was trying to figure out how to make everyone happy! You. Me. My dad. My team.”
“So you didn’t think I mattered enough to tell me you were trying to figure out what made me happy?”
“You matter so much,” I whisper. “So much it hurts.”
“You chose to keep secrets instead of trusting me with the truth.”
I open my mouth to argue, but no words come out.
Because she’s right.
“I’m sorry,” I say quietly. “You’re right. I was going to tell you, but we were together, and I didn’t want to do anything to ruin that.”
“You don’t trust me.”
“I trust you. I love you. I know I've done a terrible job of showing it, but I do. I love you more than hockey. More than my career. More than anything."
"Stop." Fresh tears spill down her cheeks. "Don't say things you don't mean."
"I mean every word."
"You're just scared of losing me."
"Iamscared. I'm terrified because you're the best thing that's ever happened to me. I keep screwing it up." My thumb brushes away her tears. "If you give me another chance, I swear there will never be another secret. I don’t know what’s going to happen with the hockey thing. Will you trust me when I say I am thinking about it? This is a big decision. I want the best of both worlds, but I know it isn’t possible. Please understand that I’m trying.”
“I’m sorry.”
“What? Why?”
“The last thing you need is more pressure. But you have to be upfront with me. I can't survive you breaking my heart again."
"You won't have to.”
