I did not remember when I last opened the apothecary, fully returned to my hermit state. A spell of compulsion had led me down a path of tests and experiments with the number of samples Silas handed over, keeping me occupied for however many days I had been at it. The time was lost in my manic state.
From my notes, I could see that his rear fangs contained a painkiller, a muscle relaxant, and an aphrodisiac.
His blood was similar to snake venom that burns away at flesh and causes swelling, though I was already painfully aware of that.
Then there was the golden liquid from his... other fangs—his spines. From Silas’s own knowledge and from my experience that night, it contained some of the same properties as the venom in his mouth.
When I tested it on female toads, they laid eggs the next day. Every single time. I tested it on ten different toads. It was potent in a hormone of some sort, and my theory about it being for reproductive stimulation was correct. It made me nervous initially, only to remember he said that it was impossible without being one of his kind. As far as I knew, I was safe.
My cheeks grew hot when the memories flashed before me. I leaned against my desk and slumped in embarrassment, covering my face as if there were someone to judge me for it.
Mate.
Why was it so shameful to remember it that way, knowing everything I did about his biology? It was getting me flustered every time I discovered a new use for the chemicals in his body. I wanted more of it. I wanted it again and again until I forgot how to speak. However, I had barely recovered from the last time, as the soreness made sitting uncomfortable.
With a deep breath, I straightened myself out, beginning to look at my solution sample again. I had been testing it against the blood to see how it worked. Upon purifying it, it neutralized most of the blood and even broke it down. The reaction was unstable, so results ranged from slow breakdowns to making the blood cells burst entirely. It restored my faith in my abilities despite the upsetting test results from the college lab.
My heart had become conflicted over my special poison for people like him. I had not bothered to ask how he felt about it,because I did not know how I felt about it myself. I would not use it on him. No, I would use him for my purpose, if anything. But I apparently had another secret admirer to worry about. A phantom pain throbbed in my lower spine. Such a violation was unthinkable, knowing that someone was stealing from me something more precious than gold: my autonomy. Unfortunately, not the first time.
That was unacceptable, so I would be ready the next time that shadow stalked into my home. They would all be sorry they’d laid a finger on me, as I would cut it clean off. There would be no hesitation this time. Silas would have to forgive me for the atrocities I was about to wreck on his kind. He was the reason I was able to do so after all.
My body ached aside from the punctures.
I mixed the samples from the spines and teeth and distilled them until I got at least one vial of pure venom. The amber liquid left a golden reflection on the table as the light passed through it. I picked at my bottom lip as my mind slipped to more taboo questions about its usage. There was no knowing if it could be used medicinally or recreationally without someone to test it. If I was so confident in my work, I should test it myself.
I grabbed a clean needle and a tourniquet from one of the drawers and sat in front of the small glass tube on my workbench. My thumb popped the cork off of it, and I dipped the syringe into the venom, slowly drawing it up into the glass cylinder. Inspecting the liquid, I rolled up my sleeve in preparation. Only fifteen milliliters in the needle, which I would expect to be the amount in me that night, though this would be more concentrated.
Flicking the glass and expelling a few drops from the tip, I pressed the needle into my arm, slowly puncturing my vein. A numbing sensation of relief tingled when it emptied into myarm. I leaned back in my chair and wearily placed the syringe on the counter.
My body and mind were as light as pollen in a summer breeze. Trains of thought disappeared as quickly as they surfaced, just a flash of feelings rather than material thoughts. It was like lying in a tall-flower field on a perfectly sunny day with an exceptional temperature. Like watching clouds travel across the sky as I listened to the grass rustle in a calm breeze. Was this peace? I was so happy that if I died right now, I would be perfectly satisfied. In fact, if I were on the edge of a cliff, I would leap off just to make sure it was the last thing I felt.
The ringing of the shop telephone yanked me violently back to reality.
I slowly sat up, colors becoming a little brighter, the world moving a little slower as I walked over to the phone. When I lifted my hand to grab the receiver, I could see my hand trail slightly with a faint outline of chromatic aberration around it.
“Hello,” I said quietly.
“Did you get back safely? Where are you? I want to see you tonight,” Phoebe’s melodic voice chirped through the phone.
“I am at the shop. I had a sudden inspiration,” I said. “I will not be home tonight.”
“Where are you staying if not your home or mine?”
“I am staying with Silas,” I said slowly.
“With Silas.” It was not a question, but more of a statement of disappointment.
In my fog I forgot to reply, letting the statement hang loosely on the line.
Then, she hung up.
41
THE POISONER
The alleyways of the docks were gloomy as usual. Nearly every news clipping contained some sort of incident from down here. It made sense that this was where a Den would be. It was a familiar hunting ground for me. I’d suspected for a while that one of these back-alley holes would be a Den. I’d narrowed it down to a place by the harbor, not too far from the brothel.
Rest in peace, mistress of the house.
