But whoever I am, I’m better with Emma.
That’s never been clearer than it is now, as I stand here with this wild emptiness raging inside at the thought of her leaving for good.
She can’t quit. She’ll change her mind and come back.She has to.
Those thoughts are steadying. I’ll offer her more. More money. More time off. More support. More of whatever the hell she wants.
Anything to get her to stay.
Allegra’s face hardens. “Did that assistant of yours finally go? She’s always hanging around. It’s creepy.” She sets a hand on my arm. “It’s honestly for the best that she quit. With her gone, you can hire someonereallygood. Now, come to bed, and you can tell me what happened tonight. I saw on social media that you were a naughty boy.” She shakes her head. “Fighting with Brett. I didn’t think you were the jealous type. But don’t worry. It’s hot.”
“Leave,” I say flatly.
“Wh-what?” she asks, her eyes widening in surprise. “Is this about the Brett rumors? It was nothing. You know the way it is when you’re on set. You’re stuck there and bored. It was just something to pass the time. You’re not angry, are you?”
What I feel isn’t anger. I never asked her to be exclusive, even if I didn’t see anyone else myself while we dated.
In the pit of my stomach, I sense a darkening void. But it has nothing to do with her.
“This isn’t going to work. You and I,” I state calmly. I usually do these things with more finesse, more care, except she insulted Emma.
And I don’t have it in me to be charming tonight, not when the concrete foundation I’d been standing on suddenly turned to quicksand.
She crosses her arms over her chest and shivers. Her face is a mask, but her eyes are stark. For the first time, I wonder if her confidence is as solid as she pretends because she appears unexpectedly vulnerable.
I swallow. As annoyed as I am with her shitty comments about Emma, this is my fault. I thought I could try for something longer than a brief fling. but I’m not cut out for dating.
It was a long shot, but I hoped that if I focused, really tried, the feelings that my friends had for their women would come. But clearly, that’s not how it works. And now, I’m ending things, and Allegra is the fallout.
Fuck. I hate that when I look at her, all I feel is numb.
Something is clearly broken inside. I’ve known since I was a child that I was not meant for love. Everyone else on set was excited to go back to their families when the season broke from shooting. Except me. I never wanted to go home. I’d close my eyes at night and dream that I could stay on set forever and play pretend family.
It felt more real than anything of my own.
I shake my head against the memories. “I’m sorry, Allegra. It’s not you. It’s—”
She holds out a hand and straightens to her full, commanding height. She lifts her chin, her eyes proud and sparkling with annoyance. In a minute, she’s transformed from sad and vulnerable to invincible.
“Forget the speech, Sebastian. Don’t pretend this was anything more than just you and me having a relationship that helped us both with our careers. We looked good together. You had contacts I wanted. And I looked pretty on your arm and was amusing to take out.” Her smile falters. “I’ve been through hell to gain a foothold in this industry. When you’re a fifteen-year-old model alone in Paris for the first time, you toughen up quickly.” She tilts her chin up. “So don’t presume you could ever hurt me.”
I walk over to Allegra and kiss her smooth cheek. “I’m sorry,” I whisper.
There’s a flicker of emotion in her eyes when I step back.
“Same,” she drawls before striding into the house.
Ten minutes later, Duncan is driving her home.
All I feel is guilt and relief.
I wander inside aimlessly. I find myself in the library, where I take a cigar from my grandfather’s old leather cigar case. The smell reminds me of him, another man who never got love quite right. I adored him, but he was a shitty husband, just like my dad. The difference was that my grandmother never seemed to mind too much. Maybe because she was busy living life and having her own affairs. And she seemed to enjoy the constant drama of breaking up and getting back together. She said it kept things from being too boring.
I sit in a lounge chair and smoke the cigar, watching the moonlight play across the ripples of the water. Sometime around sunrise, I decide on a strategy.
The only thing to do is to find out what Emma wants. And give it to her. To offer her enough money, favors, and incentives so that she’ll never think of quitting again. If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, it’s that everyone has their price.
You just have to know what that amount is. And be willing to pay.
