I sigh. “It’s a long story having to do with hospitals and paparazzi. But yes, we’re not really engaged.”
“Maricella and I thought you two were perfect together. We both remarked on how in love you were.”
“I’m… I’m not sure how she feels…”
“Why?” Dario asks, leaning forward. I remember what a good listener he always was. It never felt like gratuitous curiosity. It felt like he was interested because he cared. It was heady stuff as a kid. It still is. My heart does a twisty loop at the thought that this man is my biological father.
“Emma spent years just following me and my life. And now she’s finally doing things that are important to her. And I have a series of ironclad commitments in places that are not LA. We’re both really new to what’s between us, so I’m not sure if she believes that I’m serious because… well, I don’t have the best track record for relationships. But none of those women were ever Emma. I need her like the air I breathe. So I’m going to do everything in my power to show her that we can work,” I blurt out in a rush. “In my ideal world, we’d be tethered togethertwenty-four seven. But she’s now the CEO of a badass business. So she’s got important shit to do,” I add.
Now, what she wants comes first.
Emma comes first.I guess that applies outside of the bedroom as well.
Dario smiles. “And have you told her all that?”
My smile falters. “A lot of it. But we’re opposites. I just want to act, to hell with the consequences. And she asked for slow. I hope with time she can believe that what we have is real. That we can work.”
He tilts his head. “I know a thing or two about making a relationship work. And I know a thing or two about fucking it up.”
“Your breakup,” I say, my eyes grim. “And the outcome: me.”
Dario’s face falls. “No, Sebastian. Never say that. Yes, being with your mother wasn’t a great decision at the time. I was heartbroken and thought that Maricella had left me for good. I was young and stupid. But knowing you came out of it is the best surprise of my life.” His eyes glint with sincerity.
I blink, my own eyes feeling scratchy. I clear my throat.
“I just meant that it sounds as if you’re figuring things out earlier than I did. When I was with younger, I thought my job as a filmmaker was more important than hers because, I don’t know, because I earned more money and accolades. So I thought she would be happy to give up her career to follow me around the world.” He laughs. “She was not. One thing I loved about my wife was that she was so passionate about her work. She’s a brilliant psychiatrist. Anyway, it took a while, but I finally got it. I figured out a way to have my job and have Maricella as well. And she figured out a way to have her job and to have me.”
“And what was that way?”
“It’s not easy. But it can work. It’s called compromise.”
I run a finger along the rim of my mug. “That’s why you didThe Family, right? You could have filmed any movie you wanted, but instead you wrote and directed an obscure TV show.”
He nods. “Everyone said it would kill my career switching to television. It was seen as a huge downgrade. But it was a way to keep my promise to my wife and be a good father to Caitlin. But it wasn’t just for them. It was for me. I wanted to enjoy my family. I wanted stability while still doing creative, satisfying work. It wasn’t easy. When Caitlin was older andThe Familyended, I went back to doing movies, but I took long breaks between them. The upside was I had time to create better projects.”
“Did you ever regret it?” I ask, though I’m pretty sure I know the answer.
I watch Dario, gazing intently at him, trying to see the resemblance. It’s subtle enough that you wouldn’t notice if you weren’t looking for it, but I think I can detect it in the shape of our lips. Maybe the jut of our chin and the way we both have the slash of a dimple in our left cheek.
He beams. “That wasn’t even a contest. I would have never known this joy if I’d made different choices. If I hadn’t fought for love. We wouldn’t have had the beautiful life we’ve built. Or Caitlin.” Dario smiles. “And now we get to add you to our joy, Sebastian. If you want to be part of our family, that is.” He takes a deep breath. “I don’t want to pressure you, but we always visit Tuscany in September for the harvest. We have another winery there. If you have a break in filming, then we have—you have—a big family. You have great-aunts and uncles and cousins in Italy. I’d like you to meet them. And they’d love to meet you. And Emma is invited as well.” He laughs ruefully. “But I’m getting ahead of myself. We can start small if you’d rather. We’re celebrating Thanksgiving here. You have an open invitation.”
Emotion clogs my throat. So I nod my assent. It feels odd to have a parent want to be around me. I’m not an inconvenience or someone to take out just for show. I have a half sister. And I have an entire extended family out there. It’s heady, and it’s bittersweet. Things I thought were only for other people, maybe they could be for me as well. Silly things like spending holidays together. Silly things like unconditional love.
My emotions swirl, so I tamp them down, compartmentalize them, put them in a box labeled To Open Later. I cough and nod again. “We can… we can try that,” I say.
“Good, son,” Dario says, putting a hand on my shoulder. “That’s good.”
CHAPTER 43
Emma
I can’t stop thinkingabout Sebastian and our weekend. I’m also hoping that he’s been able to work things out with Dario.
Even though I’m on a plane hurtling toward my real life in LA, my heart is in Napa with my ex-boss. My fake fiancé. Giver of laughter and orgasms and an aching heart.
It’s at 30,000 feet that I realize what this feeling is.
I’ve known it for years, but I couldn’t admit it to myself.
