As we stroll along the narrow beach, he grabs my hand and squeezes. I look over at him, and my heart tips to my toes. He looks so tall and handsome, with the cliffs as a backdrop, hisgolden eyes reflecting the sky and sea, his mouth tilted in a smile that makes me want to ask what he’s thinking.
I’m not sure whether to laugh or cry. Whether to congratulate myself for pulling it off or scold myself because this is sure to end in disaster. Leave it to me to do everything backward. We’re really dating but pretending to fake-date. Gah. My life.
CHAPTER 32
Ryder
(TEN YEARS AGO) RYDER’S JOURNAL
The thing about trying to do the right thing is never knowing if it actually is the right thing. My mind and heart are constantly at war. Logic versus desire. Responsibility versus want. Guards up versus letting them all fall and crumble at my feet.
(NOW)
I wake to the sound of Daisy’s laughter.
At first, as the threads of sleep keep me tangled in half dream, half awake, I’m transported back to yesterday morning, with Daisy sleeping in my bed, in my arms.
But as full consciousness returns, I realize it’s just her voice that has filtered into my room through the open window that fronts the patio.
I’m alone.
She slept in the guest room last night and not in my bed. After our walk down to the beach with Archie, she worked all afternoon in my grandmother’s dressing room. She said she was almost finished cataloging the clothes.
I spent hours discussing the house with Brendan and Shelby before she headed back to Boston. I think Shelby wanted to stay the night and tossed hints to Brendan, which he ignored. Then my brother and I went over the details of my grandmother’s estate, debating what to do with the furniture, art, and other family heirlooms that hadn’t been specifically mentioned in her will. Brendan wants to hire someone to just clear it all. He doesn’t care what happens to any of it. But it’s not right. The more we talked about dismantling the house, the more disquieted I got.
Then I flew to New York for a see-and-be-seen party. By the time I returned, it was in the early hours of the morning. I was tempted to knock on Daisy’s door. But by then it was too late to wake her.
I missed her. We only spent one night together. But I need her in my bed.
Daisy’s laughter rings out again, interrupting my thoughts.
I normally take a while to rise. Lyrics and music often come to me, and I keep a guitar close so I can work out hooks if they do. But this morning, I rush to get dressed, eager. One night, and I’m like a damn kid with the first girl I ever liked. Hell, not even that. Because no one has ever gotten me this desperate.
It’s all kinds of wrong, but I’m beyond caring.
I hurry down the steps, stopping in the kitchen to make a cup of coffee before I head out to the patio, where I find Brendan and Daisy, their heads together, talking and laughing.
I rub my chin, realizing I forgot to shave this morning. Forgot because I was in such a rush to get dressed and see the girl infront of me, who is gazing in rapt attention at my brother. My brother who offered to fake-date her.
Like hell he will.
Chill, I tell myself. They’re not doing anything wrong.
And my brother and I are communicating for the first time in years. It’s still awkward between us, with simmering anger and hurt buried beneath the attempts at civility, but it’s more of a relationship than I’ve had with him since I was a kid. And that feels important.
As I approach, Brendan and Daisy look up. And I realize their heads are together, not because they’re staring at each other.
They’re looking down at a phone that’s propped in the middle of the table. Someone is speaking. I recognize that voice.
“Chase?” I ask. When I can finally see the screen, I notice he’s casually dressed with a ball cap on and sitting in what looks like a trailer.
“Hey, man,” Chase says. “I was just talking to Daisy and meeting your brother.”
Heat flares in my face as flashbacks of two nights ago fire through my brain.
“So Daisy told me what happened two nights ago,” he says.
My eyes widen. I’m dead. Deservedly. I threw the bro code out the window and did what I swore I wouldn’t do. Even last year, Chase warned me away from Daisy when he noticed her flirting with me. He said unless I planned on settling down and becoming a one-woman man, I needed to stay the hell away from her. And I had. Until now.
