Am I heading for heartbreak? I know I should get my feelings for Ryder under control. But how? He encourages my sewing. He calls me talented and says I can do anything.
That he sees me as a kid when we’re almost the same age is maddening. I know he’s worried about my situation and just wants to protect me. But I’m not as naïve as he thinks I am. I may still be in high school, but I had to grow up fast.
I can show him I’m mature. I’ll get him to see me as more than just Chase’s little sister. He has to. Because I can’t imagine a world where I’m not in love with Ryder Black.
(NOW)
“Daisy, we need to talk,” Ryder says with a desperate expression.He’s been chasing me around the party for the last half hour, after the conversation-that-will-not-be-named. I imagine he wants to apologize for inadvertently revealing his true feelings.
His shitty, crappy, no-good, but true feelings. Feelings that I absolutely cannot talk about because I’m one wrong word or sad song away from crumpling into a pile of tears and self-pity.
“No time,” I grit out, holding up a plate of cupcakes. My heart, once full of optimism, is a hollowed-out organ of sadness and spite. But I can’t let him see just how much of me his words destroyed. The only thing holding me together is my pride. “Busy hosting.”
“Dammit. We need to talk about what you heard. It’s not what you think.”
“Oh, it’s exactly what I think,” I snap back.
Several members of the corgi party inch toward us, obviously excited that a celebrity is in their midst.
“You’re upset. Don’t pretend you’re not.”
It takes everything in me to school my features into a blank stare.
“Daisy…”
“Ryder, I am not discussing this now.”
He shoots me a frustrated glance. “Fine. I’ll give you some time. But the second the party ends, we’re talking.”
I don’t answer. I can’t. His words haunt me.Little lost puppy.Pain in my ass.A damn menace.Through the years, people have jokingly called me all sorts of names to my face. But he wasn’t joking. There was nothing affectionate in his words. This was Ryder talking shit about me behind my back—shit that strikes way too close to home because I’ve always felt and feared exactly the things he’s said.
His penetrating gaze bores into my back as I chat to the other members of the party. Relief, tinged with loss, flows through mewhen he finally takes the hint and strides back to the house, narrowly escaping the boldest of the party guests.
Since I can’t just leave, I continue to play hostess, though hurt, thick and heavy, blankets me.
My first instinct is to get as far away from Ryder and Rockhaven as I can. I mull over my options. It would be dramatic, butI’mdramatic. I could quit my job as a pet sitter. He doesn’t really need me to watch his dog anymore.
But then Archie trots up to me, proudly carrying one of my designer heels he claimed as a toy a few days ago. He drops the shoe at my feet, as if he wants to play fetch. Affection breaks through my black mood. The shoe survived the Great Depression, but it didn’t survive this stray pup. He tilts his head in that cute, curious way he has, watching me with such enthusiastic innocence. And I realize that, for once, I’m needed. Someone—this dog—is counting on me. I promised myself I would find Archie the perfect forever home. I thought that was with Ryder. But even if it’s not, I want to see this through. I’m not letting Archie down. My stubborn nature reasserts itself. I’m tired of running away from my problems like I have all my life. This time, I’m sticking it out.
But I can’t face Ryder right now. Not yet. I’m too sensitive. It’s like my heart is an exposed nerve. As soon as everyone leaves, he’ll probably apologize for what he said and want to make amends. He’ll give me some bullshit excuse about what I overheard because I know he doesn’t want to hurt me. But itwillall be bullshit. After what I overheard Ryder say on the phone, it’s obvious he considers me an annoyance and an imposition.
Now I know what he really thinks about me. In the past, even if he grumbled when I was being outrageous, I still imagined I was special to him, that he kept his distance because of misplaced loyalty to Chase or an outdated notion that he might hurt me.
Several nights ago, even as he let me down easily after that mind-blowing kiss, I still thought I had a chance with him. My ever-hopeful nature that lets me take hits and come back fighting time and time again made it impossible for me to see the truth. Some things you can’t change by wishing them away.
Ryder doesn’t think I’m special. There’s no secret part of his heart that beats just for me. He’s not hiding his feelings. And he’s not going to suddenly wake up one day and decide I’m the woman for him.
I always have been and always will be Chase’s annoying sister, who follows Ryder around like a little lost puppy.
He’s not wrong. I had been that. But not anymore. I deserve more, I decide, anger and determination rising in me.
And so does Archie.
It’s been ten years. And I’ve given up. I will not waste one more second trying to get Ryder Black to fall for me. And I will not waste one more second trying to get Ryder to keep his dog. Archie deserves someone who really wants him. Not someone who needs to be coerced into it.
I know that now.
So I’m going to stay long enough to ensure Archie finds the best, most awesome, most loving new home with an owner who is as special as he is. And then, I’ll leave.
