I know I sound like a jerk. But being around Daisy has me crazy, with her short skirts and wide smile, her small touches and flashes of golden skin.
Over the years, I’ve spent time around her. She visits Chase regularly. And there was that time last summer when we thought Olivia might be in danger and, by association, possibly Daisy. I canceled a show just so I could fly to San Francisco and take the girls back to our Malibu estate to protect them. They—she—lived with us for weeks.
But that was different. There were always people around. It was simple to keep my distance.
Now, there’s only us. And whatever this thing is between us that I pretend I can’t feel.
Over the years, I convinced myself that Daisy’s flirtation wasn’t anything serious. She flirts with everyone, young and old, male or female. She makes people feel special. She laughs at Ed’s jokes as if they’re the funniest she’s ever heard. She remembers the names of the waitress’s kids. She touches arms, looks into eyes, and makes everything seem like the most fun ever. So maybe she doesn’t care about me like that.
Why doesn’t that make me feel better?
“I’m sorry we’re not in one of your fancy LA clubs with ropes and a famous DJ,” Daisy says, breaking through my thoughts. “But you’re here, you’re out, and you aren’t being recognized, at least not too much. Sit back and enjoy it.”
I return my attention to the new singer who’s belting out a Wham song. I have to admit this guy is talented for a karaoke night.
“It’s not just karaoke, you know. It’s an open mic night as well. You can choose.” She lifts her chin in challenge. “You could try out one of the new songs you’ve been working on.”
“What makes you think I need help?” I ask.
I so need help.
“Um. I live with you. The swearing when you’re trying to work. The million and one coffee breaks when you should be writing. And all the caffeine. So much caffeine. It’s got to be terrible for the kidneys and bladder. No wonder you’re so grumpy lately.”
“I’m not grumpy. And you’re the last person to talk about excess caffeine consumption.”
“You are too grumpy. I mean, you’re usually uptight. For a rock star—”
“I thought the term rock star was off-limits. I thought I was a musician now.”
“Ican call you a rock star. You just can’t callyourselfone.”
“Noted.”
“Anyway, for arock star, you’re too uptight. Always have been. I know your career is important. I know how hard you’ve worked for others to take you seriously, to break out of the boy-band era you were in. But you’re so wound up, it’s no wonder you’re having a hard time creating.” She tilts her head. “When did the writer’s block start this time?”
“I’ve had it for the past few months.” I unthinkingly blurt out the truth. There’s something about Daisy that gets me to lower my guard.
As if she can read my mind, her expression softens. “Since your grandmother died?” she asks gently.
I hesitate. Then nod. There’s no point denying it. “After she died, it was like…I couldn’t feel the music anymore. When my brother called me from the hospital, I was about to go onstage and play to a sold-out stadium. There was no way I could go out there and play. Hell, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I needed…I don’t know, air. So I found a back door and sat in an alley, while thousands waited for me.” I give a wry smile. “And—you’ll like this part—that’s where I found Archie. Or, that’s where Archie found me.”
“Archie came to you the night your grandmother died?” Daisy asks. “Don’t you see? She sent him to you.Foryou. So you wouldn’t be alone,” she says softly.
So I wouldn’t be alone.My stomach twists. I hate feeling this weakness.
I’ve spent my life leaving people behind.
First, I left my dad and brother. Even if there were good reasons for it, I still left.
And then I left my band. Even if there were good reasons for it, I still left.
But this time, it wasn’t me who did the leaving. My grandmother had always been the one constant in my life. And now she’s gone.
I shift away the dark thought.
I’m at the top of my profession, I remind myself. I have a solo career. Gold records. Independence. The freedom to live and breathe only for my music.
I’m living the life I always wanted.
