And then after.
And I both love and hate that he still has the same effect on me.
I was such a mess when I met Ryder that first summer. I was a sixteen-year-old runaway, using my former foster brother to hide from my mom and the world. Of course I fell for him. He was a famous former boy-bander, a heartthrob. And he was kind to me. We became friends. We were similar in age, but he was miles more sophisticated, so he treated me like a kid sister.
That summer, he saw me at my worst, and I’ve spent the last ten years trying to prove to him I’ve grown up, that I’m not the same kid with a crush. That I’m not the same runaway Chase was constantly bailing out. The college dropout. I want him to think I’ve changed, that I’m now smart and cool. More worldly and wilder than I actually am.
But it’s just a mask.
And lately, since I’m about to add a twenty-seventh candle to my birthday cake, my mask is fraying. I should be over the moon that Emma arranged for me to pet-sit for Ryder, that we’ll finally have one-on-one time together. She knows about my crush on him. Everyone does.
But right now, I don’t know if I have it in me to be sparkly and fun. I dig deep and find my smile.
“That’s simple, silly,” I say. “I’m here because of a guy.”
He takes a step closer. “What guy?” His stern voice causes those butterflies to flit harder.
“Well, he’s got gorgeous brown hair,” I say, my eyes skating over Ryder’s head. “Big brown eyes.” I grin flirtatiously.
I lean into him. “And he really likes to lick me.”
Ryder’s brows slam together.
I laugh and look down at Archie, who demonstrates by giving me a lick.
“He is a little short, though,” I say with a raised eyebrow before I twirl around and saunter into the living room. I don’t look back to see if Ryder follows. And I’m not sure if I could hear his footsteps anyway, not over the banging of my heart.
CHAPTER 6
Ryder
(TEN YEARS AGO) RYDER’S JOURNAL
I’m not sure what to write. I’ve never had a journal before, but Daisy, Chase’s foster sister who’s staying with us for the summer, suggested it. She said writing my thoughts down might help me be less stressed and more creative. She said it helps her. Why I’m taking songwriting advice from Chase’s kid sister is a subject for another day. But I’m just desperate enough to try it.
It’s ironic. Before I left the band, I couldn’t stop writing songs. They were everywhere. I wanted a solo career because I needed to make music of my own.
But leaving Future Shock at the height of its popularity became the music story of the year, especially when the band broke up soon after. And now the spotlight is on just me. My fans are sure I’ll become the biggest solo star in the world. While everyone else is waiting for me to fail.
So I’m here, hiding, trying to reinvent myself and create something worthy of the hype. Something the haters and critics can’t tear apart.
(NOW)
I try to ignore Daisy’s flirtatious gaze. It’s hard, but it’s something I’ve been doing since she was a fragile sixteen-year-old. Even covered in mud, she looks good. Too good, with her big blue eyes in a heart-shaped face, wild blond hair, petite frame, and tanned skin.
When I first met her, I’d already been famous for four long years. I joined the boy band Future Shock when I was thirteen. I snuck out of school to attend a casting call for a music reality show, along with a group of my friends. The rest was history. The band we formed had a number-one record in the country by the time I was fourteen. And I was emancipated from my father by fifteen.
But after quitting the band to go solo, I couldn’t keep living with the other members. They were all too pissed off. So my friends Sebastian and Chase suggested I move in with them.
And along came Daisy. Living with us that summer.
She was off-limits then, and she’s off-limits now. For many reasons. First, she’s still my best friend’s little sister. They may be foster siblings, but the bond between them is rock solid, and Chase is overprotective. He’d kick my ass if I ever so much as looked at her, because Chase knows I’m not boyfriend material. I don’t do relationships. And I don’t have enough genuine friends to lose a good one.
But the more important reason is what happened the summer she stayed with us. What happened—and the fact that it was my fault.
So I vowed to keep a friendly distance between us. And I’ve managed it this whole time.
Except Emma had to go and fuck everything up. And now I’m practically living with Daisy. Tempting, teasing Daisy.
